Mormon Buzzz

Category: Opinion

  • We’re Tired of the New Policy Debate Too, but Here’s Something Important

    We’re Tired of the New Policy Debate Too, but Here’s Something Important

    In the last few days, social media has become a veritable battleground over the new policy barring Church leaders from baptizing children of same-sex couples until the age of 18, and then, only when they’ve denounced same-sex relationships. The quiet way in which the policy was enacted has become a PR nightmare with members and non-members alike scrambling for answers. Elder Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles released an interview Friday, November 6th giving some clarification about the ‘why’ behind the policy, but any reasons for or against it are not what I want to discuss, as they’ve been endlessly discussed since the news broke. I wish to talk about the way many Church members have reacted to the well-meaning questions and concerns of other members, reactions which, in many cases, have been ostracizing and uncalled for. Let me take you through my experience hearing about the policy change and observing the consequent aftermath, as I’m sure many of you will relate.

    Before leaving for work on Thursday, I briefly saw a tweet about an update to the definition of “apostasy” in the Church handbooks. As you probably know, the definition now includes ‘being in a same-sex marriage’ as a qualification for apostasy. While I found this particular change to be somewhat pointed, it didn’t come as much of a surprise to me, considering that same-sex relationships go against Church doctrine. Later, though, when a friend sent me a message informing me of the policy change for children of same-sex couples, my heart sank. I stared at my phone in disbelief and grappled with my immediate gut reaction that this was wrong and unnecessary. I sat and performed incredible feats of mental gymnastics, hoping to justify what I could only see as unjust, but despite my best cognitive acrobatics, I couldn’t do it. After some prayer and discussion with others, I came to a position of uneasy understanding. When I logged onto Facebook and then Twitter, the reactions of many were similar, but varied. Many posts were immediately vitriolic, accusing the Church and its leadership of bigotry and hate. Many were more reserved, posting that they had concerns and were hoping for more context from the Church. Many simply posted resolute, testimonial support. As the conversation progressed and became a heated debate, I noticed a disturbing trend begin to surface. Many members began to express in various forms that if you don’t agree with the policy, you should probably just leave.

    Now, let’s make one thing clear before I continue: I am not claiming perfection in this regard, nor that Church members have some intentionally insidious agenda to weed out the “unbelievers.” But I do think there is value in taking this issue as an opportunity to discuss what it means to “question” the policies of the Church and when and how those questions have a place in the dialogue about Church issues. Here are a few points I think it’s important that we discuss.

    1. It is OK for members to question the policies of the Church.

     

    People, policies are just policies. They are not statements of doctrine, although they are inspired by them. The Church handbooks are policies, and those policies have changed many times, and in many cases, drastically over the years. There is no heresy in suggesting that perhaps missionaries should be allowed more phone calls home, or that convert confirmations should occur on the day of their baptism, or that the Church should hire out the cleaning of their buildings (I’m not advocating for any of these things; they’re purely for example). Similarly, the policies regarding children of same-sex parents are just policies, and it’s not heretical for someone to suggest that they may not be the best idea.

    In the Book of Mormon, Nephi makes a wonderfully applicable statement,

    “Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.

    “Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay” (2 Nephi 26:25-26).

    These verses have been used as justification for opposing the aforementioned policies, but I think their true application lies with how we treat each other as members of the Church and members of the human family.

    Often in the Church, we get policies and revealed doctrine all intertwined in our heads to the point that we start believing that if Patrick the deacon wears a blue dress shirt to pass the Sacrament, he’s committed some grievous sin, or if Greg the new move-in has a beard, he must not have a strong testimony. These kinds of feelings are absurd when you take a step back to examine them, but all of us at some point have probably held similar prejudices. I know I have. When we ostracize people for questioning policies, whether intentionally or not, we are kicking them at a time when they may feel most spiritually and socially vulnerable. It is our solemn duty as members of the Church and rational human beings to welcome and celebrate a diversity of opinions within our congregations. That diversity of opinions is what can improve the effectiveness of the home or visiting teaching programs in a ward, or help guide the youth in their respective quorums and groups, or even appropriately call for changes to ecclesiastical policies. When we push people out for their questions, we lose those opportunities for growth and improvement.

    For these reasons and more, it is never okay for us as members of the Church to suggest that those with questions would be better off if they just left. Never. Ever. Ever.

    Now, I understand that this policy is not comparable to less important policies, like meeting schedules or linger-longer menus. This policy has immediate spiritual consequences for the most vulnerable members of our society. Which brings me to my next topic:

    2. Church policies are inspired.

     

    If we truly believe that the Church is led by our Savior, Jesus Christ, then with that belief comes a certain degree of reverence for decisions made by the leaders of the Church. The First Presidency and apostles are not idiots. They had to have anticipated in some way the kind of social implications this policy change would engender. But regardless, the timing of the change and the lack of an immediate statement from the PR department led many to venture into the dangerous territory of speculation. The headlines from major news outlets provide an appropriate swath of opinions. Headlines like:

    “Mormon Church Issues Rules Aimed at Gay Members, Their Kids” – ABC News

    “Mormon Church bars same-sex couples and their children” – The Boston Globe

    “Mormon Church to Declare Gay People—and Their Children—Apostates” – Slate Magazine

    These misleading articles have left many feeling and exclaiming that the Church clearly hates gay people. Nothing could be further from the truth, but I’m not going to get into the justifications for this policy. Elder Christofferson provided some context in his video interview, and I will refer you to him. The merits for and against are both compelling, but I think it would behoove members of the Church to consider that the Church takes matters directly affecting the salvation of God’s children very seriously. I would be surprised to hear that this policy was enacted without some serious prayer and lively discussion amongst the councils of Church leadership. While we may feel uncomfortable with the decision, I think there’s something to be said for trusting that the intentions are pure. The Church does not hate gay people. Period.

    3. We all need to be patient.

    The-Lords-Understanding

    This policy is fresh on the books. How it will be implemented and who it will affect are purely matters of speculation at this point. Before passing judgement, I think it would be fair to wait to see if the horror stories predicted by the media and others actually come true. My prediction is that they will not. Anyone who has spent any time in different wards or branches of the Church knows that policies are often interpreted and carried out in vastly different ways. Handbooks are guidelines, and provisions are made for exceptional cases. The Church is a ministry, not a bureaucracy, and while there may be a minimal amount of red tape involved in Church administration, the leaders of the Church are not unempathetic or unyielding. People will be taken care of in a loving and caring manner.

    4. Fighting solves nothing!

     

    Both sides of this argument have in many ways acted atrociously. Those opposed have, in some cases, said needlessly offensive things about the religion of their friends, and many members have reciprocated with equally vitriolic reactions. I myself have been guilty of saying things in this discussion that I probably shouldn’t have. Nothing will be accomplished if we can’t look past our own opinions, however deeply held, to see the merits of our opposition. Everyone has good intentions in this debate, and that fact alone should enable us to treat each other with kindness.

    The debate over this issue will be temporary. Kim Kardashian will probably do something outrageous tomorrow, and the media will move on. Whether this issue resurfaces or not, there will always be things to argue about. To you Church members: your posts, comments, and tweets combine together to represent the membership of the Church to the world. Whether you intend it or not, what you say and do online will affect how others view the Church. And to those not of or formerly of our faith, please have respect for our beliefs as we strive to respect yours.

    I am not calling for an end to discussion. Talking about issues like these is what leads to positive social change. What I am advocating is to replace needless bickering with genuine discussion. I’m calling for an end to social exclusion for opinions and beliefs. As followers of Jesus Christ, may we follow His example of kindness and respect, especially at times when it seems most difficult.

     

    What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

  • The Terrible Advice Mormons Should Stop Giving

    The Terrible Advice Mormons Should Stop Giving

    The other day, one of my friends posted an article from Tech Insider titled “This fearless Mormon feminist is doing something very brave and very dangerous.” I groaned inside, but took the bait and clicked the link anyway. As may have been expected from the title, the article ended up being a fairly sensationalized piece whose primary source was the Mormon feminist. I think one other individual was quoted and even then, just once. I don’t quite consider myself a journalism professional, but having had five years of news-writing experience, I was pained by the lack of professionalism and credibility exhibited by the writer of this piece. It bothered me more than the “very brave and very dangerous” feminist did.  

    After reading the post, I scrolled to the comments, hoping to see that someone was clearing up misconceptions, biases, and mistruths this article showcased. What I saw angered me in a different way. There were your typical “MORMONS ARE A CULT!!  DON’T BUY INTO THEIR FAIRYTALE GOD!!!” comments. There were your typical “Mormon leadership is a bunch of greedy white males trying to build shopping malls from your holy money” comments. But the comments that bothered me the most came, surprisingly, from members of the church. These commenters attempted to defend their beliefs, but before doing so, almost every single one of them began their comments with a variation of the following phrase:  

    “If you don’t like the church, why don’t you just leave it?”

    I cannot begin to number the times I have heard this phrase used by members in their attempts to defend the church. I’ve read Letters to the Editor telling opinion writers that they should get out of Utah if they don’t like the Mormon influence. I’ve read comments on Facebook following the Ordain Women movement that told women who think they’re being treated unfairly to just leave and start their own church. I’ve heard well-meaning (I hope) ward members who, frustrated by others who press issues in the church, assert that everyone would be happier if these members left. In another context, I’ve heard it mumbled by young men/young women leaders who think a troublemaking kid with a struggling testimony would do everyone a favor by just going home and never coming back. All of these have caused me to sit back and feel completely defeated.  

    What are we thinking?

    If we have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, if we understand the blessings that come through being a member, if we truly understand the doctrine, then how on earth can we encourage someone else to leave it? Christ left the ninety and nine to rescue the one, and instead of following His example, we are literally telling that one to leave soon if it’s going to leave. How are we okay with that?

    In the world we live in, religion has been stripped of all truth and is instead treated like a collection of ideological fast food joints. You can pick and choose what you want to believe — Catholicism, Islam, Christianity, etc. — because a church is just a church, beliefs are just beliefs. We know better. Ours is a church with the Priesthood restored to the earth. Ours is a church wherein are sacred covenants that bind families to each other forever. Ours is a church with doctrine that allows us to move forward and eventually become like our Heavenly Father. It isn’t just a church, nor should somebody just leave. If we understand and believe the gospel we claim to believe, it is inexcusable to tell someone — they could be struggling with part of their testimony, they could be worried about church history, they could be inactive, or they could be actively voicing opinions we find shocking — that they should drop everything and go. They need the gospel and the blessings that come from it. The church needs them, their insights, their contributions and personalities. And we need to stop pretending like our wards would be better off without them, because our wards are only going to get better when we rid ourselves of the attitude that anyone different needs to leave.

    Again, it makes me ask, “How dare we?” How dare we, knowing exactly what our Savior would do to save a soul, knowing how He would respond with love, and knowing what He would say to the troubled soul on the brink of going, do the opposite? Maybe the truth is that we don’t know the Savior at all, or we don’t desire to be like Him at all. I don’t know which is worse.

    If you have questions, if you’re one of those who simply don’t like the church, please stay. Please keep coming. Put your heart and soul into figuring it out, asking questions, and trying to learn. We need you, and I think you need the rest of us, too. The truth is that we’re all imperfect, and we’re all figuring it out, even if we wouldn’t admit that we are. Stay for the joy of serving others, stay for the peace you receive in the temple, stay for the Sacrament and the chance to become like Christ.

    If this church is not what it’s claimed to be, you’ll live your life becoming a better person. If this church is what it’s claimed to be, your reward for staying will be so large, you won’t be humanly capable of comprehending it.

    If you go and it’s true, then what?

    Christ loved all of us dearly, so much so that He willingly allowed Himself to feel our pains and discouragements and sins and confusions. Every one of us is important to Him. Every one. So let’s be patient with ourselves and each other. Let’s be more loving. Christ isn’t lying when He says the one sheep matters. Let’s not act like He is.  

  • 24 Weddings and What I Learned From Them

    24 Weddings and What I Learned From Them

    Cover images courtesy Marleah Joy, Bruce Bentley, John Hope, John Hope, 2now1 Photography

    Attending weddings as a single girl can be hard at times. Even if you don’t have plans to get married anytime soon, something about those white dresses makes us daydream of our own big day. This year I’ve had the opportunity to attend over 24 weddings and a handful of sealings. I’ve seen it all, classy and elegant, shabby-chic, country weddings, urban weddings, cultural-hall weddings, you name it. Through it all I’ve had the chance to reflect on my on own singleness, and my perspective and view about marriage and weddings. Here are a few things I learned from all the weddings I attended this year.

    When It comes to fast engagements, we can’t judge

     

    Some things are done differently in Utah, I’m one of the first to admit that. Here in Utah, particularly with LDS couples, courtships are short and engagements even shorter. It is perfectly realistic for a couple to meet, date, court, and get engaged in as little as 4-6 weeks. There are, and have been many debates over whether this is appropriate or not, and I for one have had strong opinions on the subject. I have set firm guidelines for how long my relationships will last but I have seen several friends who have, on multiple occasions, expressed their disgust with other’s quick engagements. Ironically, some of those same friends have ended up with 6-week engagements. When questioned about it they just shake their heads and say, “It just feels right.”

    I’ve learned that we can’t judge these couples. We’ve only had an outsider’s perspective on their relationship so it seems silly to pass judgement on how prepared they may or may not be for marriage. While it’s true that some are more ready than others, we haven’t felt what this couple has felt. We haven’t received the same impressions or been involved in the same private conversations. As much as I’d like to think I’m an expert on marriage and relationships, I’m not! So, if a crazy happy couple decides to tie the knot one month after their first date, by all means, I will be at the reception with a smile on my face and a present in my hand. Speaking of which…

    Weddings are extremely happy occasions and should be treated as such.

     

    I’ve seen so many sour-faced people at weddings, and even more who just avoid them all together. This could be the result of several factors,  some claim they hate weddings, or perhaps think they’re boring. Maybe they’re jealous of the happy couple and find weddings a depressing reminder of their own singlehood. Maybe they’re just too busy finding a spouse of their own! Whatever the reason, some miss what weddings are actually about. Weddings are a celebratory marker for the beginning of a new family unit. A new family is born! The family is ordained by God and central to His plan of happiness for His children. A family set upon the solid foundation of marriage is set up for success from the beginning. Why not celebrate this culminating ordinance, why not celebrate the creation of one more family in the world? So let’s go and wish the happy couple the best and give them a cheerful send off into the rest of their lives together.

    I’ve also learned that I want my wedding to be a party. I’ve  been to some terribly somber weddings and felt like I was at a wake rather than a wedding. Sure they’re beautiful and elegant, but almost serious instead of joyous. I’ve started to recognize weddings for what they are, a celebration! When it comes to weddings, I want to dance, sing, laugh, and cry from utter happiness. I hope I never forget how happy weddings are. It’s important that the Bride and Groom remember how happy they are on their wedding day.. Which brings me to lesson number three:

    Say yes to the dress? No, you say yes to your fiancé.

     

    I’ve spent some time working in the wedding industry as a florist. I have worked one on one with mostly brides and mothers and they all confront the demands of planning a wedding differently. But one thing remains constant; weddings are stressful. I’ve seen some brides who are so caught up in the wedding details, the cake, the bouquet, his tux, the venue, the decorations, the dress, that they forget what they’re actually planning for. They make themselves miserable trying to micromanage the planning of what should be the happiest day of their lives. I’ve learned it’s not worth it to stress about the details, what matters is to be in the right place at the right time with the right person. Everything else, including that burlap table runner, is just extra.

    Focus on the sealing. Sure, provide a beautiful event for your guests to enjoy but you want them to also remember why they’re actually there. I want my family and friends to gush over the beauty of my new life as a married woman instead of my $650 dress I’ll never wear again. I want them to comment on the radiance of my husband’s smile rather than the size of the cake. A wedding isn’t about having the best photographer or the trendiest bouquet; a wedding is about giving your whole life over to someone you have come to trust completely and taking their life in your own hands to create something eternal and celestial together. When I’m at the altar across from that person, I don’t want to be fretting about not having enough tulle to cover the chairs with, I want to be completely engrossed in that moment that will mark my eternity. Forget the dress, say “yes” to your fiancé.

    There’s a marriage after the wedding

     

    There is life after the wedding, a marriage even. I’ve seen brides spend hundreds dollars on fabric and mason jars for gorgeous handmade centerpieces for their wedding, who then can’t even afford silverware to eat their leftover luncheon food the following week. Marriage is a big change for a couple, especially young couples. We’re often so excited and giddy about the wedding that we forget there’s a marriage to worry about. Marriage requires patience, cooperation, sacrifice, unconditional love, compromise, financial competence, acceptance, and much more! You don’t become an expert on being a spouse once you make those vows. There’s a lot to prepare for if I want to build a home for you and your spouse. For those of us who are single, we probably won’t have a full understanding of what married life entails pre-marriage, but we can surely do ourpart to prepare for life after the honeymoon ends.

    I have truly come to love weddings and I appreciate them more than I ever have. Weddings are a beautiful tradition and when done correctly can become the most perfect day.

  • The Church Was Not Prepared to Leave Behind Scouting

    The Church Was Not Prepared to Leave Behind Scouting

    This past month, our Facebook feeds and news outlets have been riddled with boys in green shorts, khaki uniforms, and rainbow neckerchiefs. Recently, the Boy Scouts of America was involved in a series of lawsuits relating to their previous blanket ban on openly gay scout leaders. In July, the BSA National Executive Board made the decision to lift the ban and allow openly gay scout leaders to lead troops. Their decision also allowed charter organizations the freedom to continue to select scout leaders for their troops based on their own criteria.

    This decision did not come as a surprise for Church leadership. It’s important to remember that while the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is protected by the First Amendment, the Boy Scouts of America, as an institution, is not. The legal pressure on the BSA was such that it became almost impossible for the Boy Scouts to continue with their current policies as they stood. As with any business or public service organization, the BSA has to adhere to anti-discrimination laws, whereas, the Church as a religious institution has the constitutionally protected right to appoint who they wish. Many news outlets picked up on the disappointment of Church leadership in the statement following the decision. But it seems to me that the Church was more put out by the timing of the decision rather than the outcome. Yesterday, the Church released another statement in response to speculation about a potential break up of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Boy Scouts of America. After discussion, the leaders of the Church have decided to go forward with the Boy Scouts of America as one of their charter organizations.

    The Church has a significant presence within the leadership of the BSA. Four general authorities have a place on the BSA National Executive Board at this time: President Thomas S. Monson, the longest standing member of the board, who was just granted lifetime membership status; Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, who was just elected last May; Stephen W. Owen, Young Men general president, as well as, Rosemary M. Wixom, Primary general president. Many of these leaders have expressed a deep appreciation for scouting and its ability to influence the young men of the Church. It should come as no surprise, then, that the Church has decided to continue on with its century old relationship with the BSA. Here are a few factors that may have influenced this decision.   

    1. Scouting ties the Church to the community and provides opportunities to share the Gospel.

     

    Dave Pack, the Scout Executive of the Utah National Parks Council (the largest council in the nation, servicing a staggering 89,268 scouts in their council alone) spoke with Mormon Buzzz after the BSA made the policy change. This council is unique in that it has a very high percentage of LDS troops, which means that Pack was very invested in the Church’s decision. He discussed the potential consequences of the Church breaking away from the BSA, and one aspect that Dave touched on was the large number of non-member scouts that are involved with LDS troops. These scouts have a very up-close and personal experience with the Young Men program and the Church in general. These situations provide the LDS youth with priceless missionary opportunities where they can share their testimonies with non-members in their own troop. Dave stated, “The Church would be missing out on a lot of missionary opportunities if they broke off from scouting.”  Scouting also helps the youth of the Church expand their friendships to boys not of our faith and helps them gain a respect for people who don’t share our beliefs. Scouting helps foster a love and reverence for the country and provides opportunities to serve and improve the communities where scouts live. This connection with the community is as valuable for the Church as it is for the community. David L. Beck, former Young Men general president, said, “Scouting is a bridge to join with good people of other faiths and organizations whose values and aspirations are similar to ours, and to work together to bless all youth in our communities.” If this particular tie was severed, it would be difficult for the Church to develop a link as beneficial as this with those not of our faith, and we would be much more isolated from our communities.

    2. Lack of infrastructure makes creating an alternative program difficult for the Church.

     

    In the Church’s statement regarding the decision of the BSA Executive Board, it mentioned the Church’s previous attempts to create an international program that can benefit the youth of the Church worldwide. Dave Pack expressed that the Church failed to sustain an international program because it lacked the infrastructure and organization that the BSA provides. One of the biggest assets that the BSA has is paid staff. If the Church were to develop an alternative program, it would rely largely on volunteers, the same way it functions in the other organizations of the Church. BSA facilities provide a place for young men to have a huge variety of experiences in one place. There are scout camps built all around the country that are fully equipped to give scouts training and experience that will prepare them and educate them. While the Church is perfectly capable of replicating and even improving those kinds of facilities, it would take years to build the facilities to accommodate the young men of the Church. It wouldn’t be feasible for the Church to build a program to equal the BSA.

    While there is a demand for a more globalized program for young men, the leaders of the Church, in their most recent statement, mentioned that they would continue to refine program options to fit the needs of youth all around the world.  

    3. Scouting truly helps young men in the Church.

     

    Contrary to what some people may believe, scouting, when done right, really does benefit and help young men develop and grow. I have been surrounded with scouting all my life. An overwhelming majority of the men (and a few women too) in my family are Eagle Scouts and a few are professional scouts. I worked for the Boy Scouts of America and taught young scouters. I saw at firsthand scouting done right and scouting done wrong. But even in my limited experience, I saw that the positive outcomes outnumbered the negative. I saw some of the loudest, most obnoxious boys turn silent and reverent as they humbly saluted the flag. They were reflecting the reverence they saw in their scoutmasters and leaders, and in those moments, these young men become teachable and respectable. You’d be hard-pressed to find that kind of reverence, even in a sunday school classroom.

    Dave Pack said the biggest benefit he saw in the scouting program was its ability to help turn young men into effective missionaries. “Scouting provides the best opportunity to be prepared for a mission. A good Scouting experience will allow [a young man] to gain skills like teaching, teamwork, leadership and cooperation, giving him skills that would be hard to find anywhere else to prepare him to serve the Lord.” he also had this to say about the benefits of the scouting program:

    “If mothers only knew that, as a Scout, her son will be surrounded by the example of men that would teach him true-life skills, men who would set an example of what he could become, men of character, men of spiritual strength, men of God.

    “If mothers only knew that living the Scout Oath and Law are central to what happens in a boy’s heart through Scouting. Examples of integrity are harder to find in today’s world. We need more young men to become men of integrity, to know what it means to be physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight. Over time, a Scout learns what the Oath and Law are and how to apply them in his life.”

    Take the word of our prophet Thomas S. Monson and listen to what he had to say about scouting: “Scouting helps our boys to walk uprightly the priesthood path to exaltation.” He also made this remark at the 100 Years of Scouting in the Church celebration that happened only two years ago. I think his statement is more applicable now than it was then. “If ever there were a time when the principles of Scouting were vitally needed, that time is now.”

    Let us move forward with optimism and faith in the future and the Church’s decision to stick with the BSA.

    Cover photo detail from “We, Too, Have a Job To Do” by Norman Rockwell

     

  • 5 Dating Tips All Recent RMs Need to Succeed

    5 Dating Tips All Recent RMs Need to Succeed

    You’re an elder or a sister missionary who has just stepped foot off of the plane ride home. The end of your mission is before you, and suddenly, there are looming decisions on your mind. What am I going to do for school? Where am I going to live? What am I going to study? You wonder. But, maybe most of all, your mind is stuck on what everyone told you was the next big step, the one you’re equally terrified and excited for: dating, then marriage.

    Who are you going to marry?

    The next months and maybe years of your life will be filled with an awkward stumble to figure that out. You’ll go on great dates that never turn into anything, bad dates that you never want to repeat, or maybe no dates, because frankly, you either don’t want to or are terrified to go on them. It may be smooth sailing, but, as it is for most of us, it will probably be rough. Mistakes will be made, feelings will be hurt, and hearts will be broken. Such is dating. It’s a learning process for all of us, and, unfortunately, it sometimes takes a while to learn how to do it right or admit we’re doing it wrong.
    That being said, there are five pieces of advice I’ve used in my own life, including including moody advice that I think every RM, and really, every single adult, could use to vastly improve their dating experience and make it more enjoyable for all involved. You might try them yourself.

    1. Even though marriage is definitely the end goal, you need to put in time to get there.

     

    When I graduated from high school and was starting college, I was immediately overwhelmed by neighbors and ward members who told me, “Now you’ve got to get married!” It influenced my dating life so much that it made me miserable. I took every date seriously, and when it didn’t work out, my confidence took a major hit, which we shouldn’t do as people sometimes take it more lightly and enjoy more maybe use services like escort finder to find companionship and so on. I naively expected that marriage would be handed to me if I simply went on dates, and because I expected that, I made marriage far more important than getting to know the guys I dated. I ended up dating guys who were in no way compatible or right for me.

    As an RM, you’ve probably had similar experiences. Some of you probably expected (or expect) marriage to just happen once you started dating, and you’ve likely found that that’s not how it works. Others of you have perhaps jumped into serious relationships that did not end well because you were more concerned with getting married than actually loving the person you dated. In this instance, you have to think of dating in terms of teaching the gospel. As member missionaries (and I’m sure as sisters/elders), we are taught that the most inefficient and, in many instances, uncaring thing we can do for those not of our faith is to confront them with why they need to join the church before we even get to know them. You don’t lead people to enjoy the blessings of the gospel simply by telling them they need to be baptized. You do it by expressing love and compassion, by getting to know who they are and learning to love them. Dating, my friends, is a similar experience. You simply cannot expect marriage without being willing to put a lot of time into getting to know and love someone.

    If being married is more important to you than the actual person you choose to spend eternity with, you’re building up to disaster. Seek out your desire to marry, but most importantly, concern yourself with getting to know and perhaps love those you date. All good things take time.

    2. Use physical affection sparingly and meaningfully.

     

    When dating someone you really like post-mission, you may really want to hold their hand or kiss them. Please take care to limit your physical affection and analyze your motives for using it when you do. Holding a person’s hand or kissing them early on at the risk of deciding you don’t want to date them later is not only emotionally confusing for the other person, but indicative that your intentions are not actually centered on the person you like at all, but yourself. Physical affection is a powerful way to deepen connection between two people, and that’s why physical contact is so important in a couple from kissing to sex, with many also using accessories as the good rabbit vibe so they can enjoy more with their partners. “Making up for what you lost in two years of famine,” as a mission is sometimes referred to, is reckless and selfish, and it can lead to greater mistakes down the road.

    If you like someone, get to know them. Get to love them. Bridle your passions, as the scriptures say. Physical affection, when used as a way to express love rather than demand it, is the most beautiful thing in the world. Learn early to use it properly, and it will be far more rewarding than just handing it out.

    3. Do not let your inability to decide become more important than your dates’ feelings.

     

    Probably the toughest thing about dating for most of us is worrying about committing to the wrong person. That worry creates indecisiveness, which not only cripples us, but can wound the people we date. Fresh off your mission, you might really want to date someone seriously, but find yourself reluctant to cut off other options. Please be careful. It is unfair to lead someone on by dating them “exclusively” while still looking at your options. I’ve known many returned elders who, paralyzed by the idea of having to choose, seriously dated more than one girl at a time. I’ve been the girl whose boyfriend wanted to date other people at the same time. Not only is that extremely disrespectful and painful for someone who chose to commit to you, it does not prepare you in any way for marriage.

    Do not run from commitment. Do what the Lord asks us to do. Make a decision about who to date, never mind the other options, and run with it until you feel like it’s either right and should go on, or wrong and should end. Then, when you do find out if it is right or wrong, be honest with the person you’re dating. Be completely clear about how you feel, but also be compassionate. If you’re a person who needs options, then consider and sift through those options long before you decide to make a relationship with someone serious.

    4. Perfection doesn’t exist. Stop looking for it.

     

    When we date, we need to let go of our egos and admit that yes, people have weaknesses. People are better at some things, and worse at others. They are often not as spiritually, physically, emotionally, or mentally strong as we feel we are. They likely did not spend the last two years of their life doing the kind of work you did. Too often, we judge them too critically for it. Stop it. Set down your checklist and consider the things that truly matter. Does this person love the gospel? Is this person trying their best to be better? Does this person make you better? Could you love them? If you can answer those questions with ‘yes’, then chances are, you’ve found, not the perfect person, but the perfect person for you to date. Pursue them. Forget yourself and go to work, because whether or not you’d admit it, you’re far from perfect yourself.

    5. Fresh courage take!

     

    Finally, there are some of you who have a hard time asking someone out or wanting to go out, let alone being decisive or affectionate. You’re intimidated by the idea of dating and all it entails — having to be vulnerable, the pressure of marriage, getting hurt, facing potential rejection — and because you are, you might not have any desire to do it. Don’t be afraid! The thing with dating is that, though it often hurts, it teaches invaluable lessons about who you are and who you want to be. It teaches you how to love, how to have social skills, how to forgive, how to be selfless, and how to be better than you are. Some people will say no. But don’t let that get you down. What good would it do the missionary who stopped teaching because of how often they were rejected? Better yet, what good would it do the person just waiting for a missionary to find them, the same missionary who would have found them, but gave up because it was too hard?

    Keep trying. Press forward. A date isn’t a marriage proposal. Remove the pressure from it, and you might find that it’s a lot more fun than you thought.

    Dating after your mission and dating in general does not have to be as painful or awkward as you sometimes make it. It’s a different field, a different area, and deals with a different kind of companion. But it can be just as fun, rewarding, and empowering if you let it.

  • The Commandment We All Break When We’re Shopping

    The Commandment We All Break When We’re Shopping

    “What is wrong with you?!”

    The voice on the other end of the line was filled with outrage, and I struggled to keep it together as I clutched the phone between my ear and shoulder. Prefacing my comments with a hard swallow, I said, “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I have a note here saying you were contacted about your order, and it’s obvious that there was some oversight on our part and that didn’t happen.”

    “Oversight?!” She was almost screaming now. “You’re in the wrong, and you’re going to cancel my order. Right now. Do you get that? Are you capable of handling that?!”

    My jaw clenched. “Yes, ma’am.”

    “Then cancel it. Right now. And give me back my money. Do. You. Under. Stand.”

    “Yes,” I said as I slammed the confirm button on my computer screen and slammed my teeth together. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    The woman’s response was the kindest she’d given the whole conversation: silence, then the click of a dead line. Like that, she was gone, $30 richer than she was when she called.

    As I drove home after work that day, I found myself close to tears and feeling utterly pathetic about it. It was only the sixth day of being on my own in my new position, and I’d been struggling to be patient with myself. I’d made some mistakes I was frustrated about, and to add to the stresses of work, I was stressed about life. I knew the woman who called didn’t know that. I knew she was angry about someone else’s mistake on her order. I knew she was taking it out on me because she was frustrated. And I knew that, at the end of the day, nothing she had to say to me was anything I should have taken personally. But, compounded with everything else, it hurt a lot. It turned a hard day harder.

    That evening, as I replayed the things she’d said in my mind and, admittedly, sent angry mental vibes her way, I had a subtle, yet painful stab of guilt. I was suddenly reminded of an email I had sent about a month or two earlier to a guest relations employee at a local amusement park. I’d left a comment on their Facebook page about something their park was doing that disappointed me, and within five minutes, my comment was deleted and I was blocked from their page. It made me angry, angry enough to send a letter through the guest relations link and tell them all why I was never going to their park again and how I was disgusted at the way I’d been treated. I thought I was being right, but whether or not that’s accurate, the truth is that I was being fairly rude. There was a person on the other end of that email, and I’d laid on them all of my anger and frustration as if it was their business to erase all of it for me.

    I’d been, to some extent, that woman who was terrible to me over the phone, and both of us together had been extremely un-Christlike. We’d treated other people, not as the Lord would treat them, but as selfish, demanding human beings would treat them. And, as I’ve learned from three years of customer service experience, we are not isolated cases.

    Customer service is one of the most difficult and thankless jobs out there. People like to think it’s easy and that they could do the job of someone else in that position just fine, but they don’t see the emotional stress and frustration that comes along with it. As a customer service employee, you get to the point where you expect people to be cruel and upset, because a lot of times, they are. I remember seeing one of my co-workers super happy one day because a woman had just left her checkout stand, and, quote, “She was nice to me! She was so nice to me!” It was a funny, and yet sad moment to realize that kindness was so much a rarity that it left her shocked to hear it.

    The reality is that there’s something about business that causes all of us to lose it which is why we should delegate daunting task to experts like  the marketing agents at Social Boosting. What that ‘it’ is varies case by case. We might lose our cool, our humanity, or simply, our vulnerability. Some of us are pillars of ice as we stand in the checkout line, part of a transaction, not an interaction with another person. Some of us treat the same types of people we’d love and admire in our wards as incompetent fools when they’re wearing their business casual and telling us something went wrong with our purchase. Most of us barely bother to read the name on the cashier’s tag, or ask them how their day’s been going, because most of us, when shopping, are solely concerned about we, ourselves, and us.

    Frankly, we don’t love our neighbor as ourselves when we shop. We ignore that commandment as if it selectively applies. We love our money as ourselves, sure. We love our possessions as ourselves. We love our time as ourselves. But not our neighbor. If anybody shortchanges, overcharges, or takes too much time that belongs to us, we don’t love them. We aren’t kind to them. We’re too often too angry and too rude, and we’re no better than the very Pharisees and hypocrites the Savior condemns in scripture.

    The injunction to love your neighbor as yourself was no afterthought commandment, nor was it meant to be interpreted as, “Love thy friends and the people that thou admires” as thyself. Our neighbor is every one of the seven billion who live on this planet. Our neighbor is that guy who cuts us off on the freeway. Our neighbor is the homeless man we ignore, the toddler howling in a restaurant we’re eating at and the parents trying to calm him down. Our neighbor is our bus driver, our mailman, our cashier, the customer service rep. on the phone, and the people whose arms we brush in passing on the sidewalk. Our neighbor is the girl we cannot see on the phone, or the man we cannot see reading our emails. They are the person who we, too often, don’t feel obligated to love. And a good sign of our willingness to be like Christ is whether or not we choose to love them.

    That love, furthermore, has to be active. It demands activity. Loving your neighbor isn’t gruffly giving them your money and leaving without a word. Loving your neighbor isn’t treating them like a machine without feelings. Loving your neighbor means being kind to your neighbor, opening up to them, acknowledging them, and thanking them. It means being patient with them, and treating them like a child of God, not just a person being paid to help you. Loving your neighbor is being compelled to make them feel better about themselves, not because they necessarily need it, but because they deserve it. Their value far exceeds the value of our bank accounts or good opinions. I imagine the Savior would care far less about bad customer service than the one giving the service.

    In a world filled with transactions, credit cards, money, supply, demand,exchanges and debts. Let us choose an IVA from IVA Helpline as they can offer completely tailored debt solutions that suit your circumstances. Let us build the compassion and Let us not, like those in the Savior’s day, fill our temples with greed and demand and leave no room for Him or for His love. Let’s not forget that our neighbor is everyone.

    The customer is always right, someone once said. Let’s do better to live up to the maxim, “The customer is always Christlike.” Because knowing what we know, we all should be.

  • How to not be the Eponine in Your Relationships

    How to not be the Eponine in Your Relationships

    Cover image © Universal Pictures

    Sometimes being in love is absolutely miserable. In fact, I’ve found that misery often comes hand in hand with love. That is why some of the most famous love stories are surrounded with the most terrible tragedy. A clear example is the classic story of Les Miserables, where Marius finally finds the love of his life, the perfect match to be his companion for the rest of his days, Cosette, much to the chagrin of Eponine, the girl next door with a crazy crush on the guy.

    I had the not-so-unique experience of having the boy I was crushing on (and I had assumed was crushing on me) start dating my best friend. This was the first time this had ever happened to me, and I was unprepared for the onslaught of emotions I was about to experience. I understood that my feelings of jealousy were not very Christlike. I also knew that this was not how my

    Heavenly Father wanted me to feel.

    I want to share some of the things I learned from this experience and how I overcame the jealously, something that can be difficult. These are based on my personal experience, but I hope the tips here can be applied in a variety of relationships.

    Here’s how to avoid being the Eponine in your relationships:

     

    1. Don’t play the victim.

     

    One of the reasons Eponine’s story is so tragic is that she played the victim. She immediately gave up and sang into the night that she’d never love again. She let her sorrow defeat her and she turned her own story into a tragedy. Don’t be Eponine! Your story doesn’t end here but will in fact never end. So choose to be happy. Choose to move on to greener pastures. As far as dating goes, the field is white, already to harvest. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and just think. Your future spouse is looking for you! You are going to be terribly hard to find if you are pining after your lost love or wasting away in your room. You can’t control what other people choose, but you have plenty of control over your actions and attitudes. Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown said it best when she said, “Do you want to be really brave? Have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling.” I give the same advice to you. Don’t get bogged down by your own sad story. Make your own happy ending.

    2. Your friendship truly isn’t worth it.

     

    We all felt sorry for Eponine, and we wished that Marius would wake up and choose his best friend. But he didn’t. He chose Cosette. Whether I liked it or not, my crush chose my best friend, not me, but man or no man, she’s still the same wonderful person I love and admire. Keep your friend close, and let her know you’re there for her, even though every instinct screams at you to abandon her and never speak to her again. My friend and I have always said that we’d never let a man come between us. That became easier said than done when the real test came. I chose to stand by my friend and talk honestly with her about the situation. Our relationship has never been stronger and I am so grateful I did not estrange myself from such an amazing friend.

    3. Forgive in order to forget.

     

    Like Eponine, my first instinct was to mask my hurt by convincing myself that nothing was wrong, that I was the one who made the mistake. I thought the most Christlike thing to do was to roll over and pretend that nothing had happened. I had thought that by doing that, I had forgiven them, but I didn’t realize that I never acknowledged that I had actually been hurt. I never let myself believe that they had done anything wrong, instead, that it had been all my fault. But that was keeping me from really forgiving them. Only when I recognized all the bitterness I had for these two people could I frankly forgive them in my heart. Remember, Christ’s Atonement can overcome our jealousy just as readily as it can our anger or sins. Once we have recognized and repented for our feelings of jealousy, we can feel the healing power of the Atonement help us to forget and move on.

    4. Charity is the best medicine.

     

    When I am feeling down about anything, a quick evaluation of my thought process shows that I am almost 100% focused on myself. So, the best way to combat those feelings and to gain some relief is forgetting yourself and getting lost in some service. Eponine’s story actually gives us a great lesson about charity. Eponine gave her life for Marius, and as she spent the last few minutes of her life in his arms, she remarked on how she couldn’t feel any pain. The reason being was that she didn’t do it for herself, or to make Marius feel guilty. She did it out of pure love. While we don’t have to take a bullet for someone to show charity, there are a lot of things we can and should do. Magnify your callings, go to the temple, participate in organized service activities, and be looking for small and simple ways to serve others. Charity is a surefire way to overcome your jealousy and frustration.

    5. Hope is the key!

     

    The biggest thing that made people pity Eponine was the lack of hope in her situation. It wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have her happily ever after! But the truth is, Eponine wasn’t showing any hope at all. To quote Preach My Gospel, “Hope is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patient perseverance.” Some were surprised to see me doing my best to manifest these attributes when I was a victim to, what I felt was, such injustice, but I knew I wasn’t the victim and I didn’t want to be the victim. All I wanted was to not feel so awful, and I knew I needed to fight my despair with hope. The pity of others will not get you through the heartache. What will get you through is the hope that comes through Christ. Have hope that the Lord has hand selected your trials to make you into the masterpiece you were destined to be. Have hope that your Heavenly Father has a wonderful life planned out for you, as long as you stay close to Him and follow His lead. Have hope that your love will come at last and that he/she will be worth the wait. So when the natural man seeks out pity, seek for hope.

    6. Let your sadness work for you.

     

    A few of you may be sitting back reading this article with a slight frown on your face. You may have thought, sure, this all sounds great in theory, but how do I get from being a brokenhearted, chocolate-consuming, Netflix addict to being myself again?

    The answer?

    Use the Atonement. When your heartbreak feels the greatest, get on your knees and pour out your soul to your Father in Heaven. Let Him know EVERYTHING you’re feeling, and express your desire to learn from your situation. Ask, “Father, what would thou have me learn from my sorrow? What would thou have me change?” At the end of your prayer, and even during the prayer, pause and let Him speak to you. Give Him time to answer your questions. Listen. You’ll find yourself drawn to understand things such as patience, faith, and forgiveness in a way you’ve never understood them before.

    After you finish your heartfelt prayer, or many heartfelt and sincere prayers, dig into the scriptures for the answers. That may seem a lot less appealing in the moment than drowning your sorrow in the latest TV series or ice cream, but it shows God that you want His advice and comfort more than that of the world’s. Getting lost in the scriptures allows us to see ourselves and our situations clearly. And who are we, really? We are powerful. We are spirit sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. Or in other words, both you and your almost significant other is loved by your Father in Heaven. He can teach you how to love yourself and whoever it is that you need to forgive.

    Remember: Patience is the key. The Lord sees fit to try both our patience and our faith (Mosiah 23:21). The healing process that you experience may be instantaneous, but I’ve found that it often requires time. To quote Elder Uchtdorf, “Patience is far more than simply waiting for something to happen–patience requires actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn’t appear instantly or without effort. Patience is a process of perfection.” So often, I learn much more in waiting upon the Lord than I do in the actual answer itself. Trust in Him and smile. You have the God that created the universe on your side.

    As strange as it seems right now, you will one day see this heartbreak that you’re experiencing (or experienced) as one of the biggest blessings that God has given you. Why? Because if you use the Atonement to strengthen you now, it will allow you to become more empathetic, more faithful, more charitable, and kind. It will give you the opportunity to develop your relationship with your loving Heavenly Father. It will give you experience and wisdom, and it will become a way for you to become more converted and better in all aspects of your life. I’ve found that sorrow is necessary to expand your soul, giving more room for joy later. And the joy will come.

    Of that I have no doubt.

  • 7 Ways to Come Pre-Trained for Your Mission

    7 Ways to Come Pre-Trained for Your Mission

    As a missionary trainer, I often talked in group settings with other trainers about their experiences and how their missionaries were doing, some tell me how they have had bad experiences and have had to take kratom for it, so I checked this original site for more info. Often, one to two trainers would say something like, “It’s super easy training this one elder. He came pre-trained. He already knows how to be a missionary.” For that elder, home was the Missionary Training Center long before the MTC.

    Most people think that when you enter the MTC, you magically gain a testimony of the gospel and a deep understanding of how to do missionary work. The truth is, you don’t. Those things must be learned, and preferably, learned early. President Kimball, in his talk “When the World Will be Converted,” reasserts this:

    “I am asking that we start earlier and train our missionaries better in every branch and every ward in the world. That is another challenge—that the young people will understand that it is a great privilege to go on a mission and that they must be physically well, mentally well, spiritually well, and that “the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.”

    I am asking for missionaries who have been carefully indoctrinated and trained through the family and the organizations of the Church, and who come to the mission with a great desire. I am asking for better interviews, more searching interviews, more sympathetic and understanding interviews, but especially that we train prospective missionaries much better, much earlier, much longer, so that each anticipates his mission with great joy.”

    Nobody has to go into the mission field untrained or unready. In the spirit of that, here are the top seven things, according to elders, sisters, and missionary presidents I’ve talked to, that you can to do to come “pre-trained” to your mission:

    1. Gain a personal testimony of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice.

     

    You will be spending the next 18-36 months testifying of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. Develop a testimony of Him now. Study His words and teachings. Strive to develop stronger faith in Him. Do all you can to learn of Him, and use His Atonement, for it will be your job to help others to do the same.

    I cannot stress how vital it is to have an abiding testimony that Jesus is the Christ and that His atonement is real. Without this, nothing else matters or has reason. No missionary should ever go on his or her mission without a testimony of Jesus Christ and His atonement, and that includes a testimony of repenting of your sins.

    2. Learn how to communicate with Heavenly Father.

     

    Learning how to pray is vital to life on earth. Prayer is our main line of communication with heaven and our Heavenly Father. So many people “say” their prayers with no intent of the prayer ever reaching God, or they pray with no intent to obey. They often think God does not care or listen because they don’t have powerful prayers.

    As a missionary, you will be teaching people how to have powerful and effective prayers. You will teach them how to receive revelation through prayer. Learning how to do these things yourself before you go will help with every aspect of the work.

    Follow the established patterns. Learn how to ask. Rarely does God give revelation to “what should I do” prayers, but often He will give unto the person who studies out the options, picks one, and then asks, “This is what I think is right. I am going to proceed with it. Is this acceptable?” At that point, revelation comes. If it does not, proceed with your plan, and if the plan is wrong, God has promised to let you know.

    Know that reverence invites revelation. Learn how to act. Being reverent invites the Spirit, and the Spirit is the gateway to revelation. Kneel, use respectful language, fold your arms, close your eyes, have personal prayers, and have family prayers. If your family does not hold family prayers, take the initiative and start them.

    Finally, be specific and learn how convey desire. Specific prayers get specific answers, and prayer is a principle of effort. The more effort you put in, the more blessings you get out. Instead of, “Please bless everyone the missionaries are meeting with,” a more effective approach would be, “Please bless Michael Goff. Please bless him with a desire to read the book of Mormon and to pray to know of its divinity.” God blesses specific prayers. As my mission president always said, “Pray by name and need.” Taking the time to know names and needs of others conveys love and caring, and praying about them is powerful. It shows them you really care. It helps them feel your love and our Father’s love. I’ve seen it countless times. I promise you that few things melt a heart faster than hearing someone pray for you and your loved ones by name and need.

    3. Read the Book of Mormon and gain a testimony of it.

     

    The Book of Mormon is the keystone of our religion. You will be inviting others to read it and to pray about it to gain a testimony. At the very least, read the Book of Mormon all the way through and pray about it before you leave on your mission. I cannot tell you how many missionaries come to the field never having read the book! They spend the first 4-12 weeks of their missions just trying to read the Book of Mormon so that they can then share it with others. Gaining a testimony of the Book of Mormon is like toppling the first domino of the Restoration: everything else follows it.

    4. Study Preach My Gospel (PMG) and the scriptures!

     

    Learn how to study the scriptures and Preach My Gospel before you go. And study them!  Having a knowledge of doctrine is one of the big differences between a missionary who is pre-trained and a missionary who struggles. If you already know the doctrine you’re going to teach, then your trainer only needs to show you the finer points of missionary work. As a friend of mine who was a trainer once said, “I basically just showed him the mission culture.” This is one thing I wish I had done better at. I studied the scriptures, but I wish I had spent more time in Preach My Gospel.

    I recommend starting with chapter two of PMG, which teaches you how to study. Once you’ve learned how to study, continue with chapter one. Try to apply each chapter to your life. PMG teaches eternal principles which are applicable to all stages of life. I recommend reading PMG at least once cover to cover. After you’ve read it cover to cover once, I recommend an in-depth study of the first six chapters, as the doctrines and principles in the first six chapters are the most important to understand as you prepare for a mission.

    Once you’ve read PMG, read the Gospels in the New Testament, and I highly recommend reading the entire Bible before you leave. It is the companion volume of scripture to the Book of Mormon, and a greater gospel understanding will come as you study all of the scriptures.

    5. Be active in missionary work before your mission!

     

    Hastening the work of salvation does not start when you’re set apart as a full-time missionary, nor does it end when you’re released. Learning and applying the doctrine that every member is a missionary and has missionary responsibilities before your mission will add power to the authority you will hold. After all, Christ said, “Come, follow me,” not, “Go, do that.”

    Do your home and visiting teaching. On your mission, you will spend much time and effort helping people understand the importance of doing home/visiting teaching. How can you ask someone to do theirs if you refused to do yours? Gain a testimony of teaching. It will add so much power to your invitations to others to do the same. As Harold B. Lee said, “Missionary work is but home teaching to those who are not now members of the Church, and home teaching is nothing more or less than missionary work to Church members.”

    Go out with the ward/full-time missionaries. Few things will prepare you as well for a mission as gaining hands-on experience. It teaches you how to teach the doctrines of the gospel. Real teaching will teach you far faster than reading or role play. It will also help you to understand the different roles everyone plays in conversion/retention/reactivation. This knowledge is what you will be applying as a missionary for the next 18-36 months. It’s imperative to learn it, and the sooner, the better.

    Invite your friends. As a missionary, you will learn that members are the key to finding new investigators. You will encourage them to invite their friends to church, to activities, and to meet with you. As you invite your friends to do these things before your mission, you will be able to gain personal testimony of this aspect of missionary work. It will allow you to declare, with the Holy Ghost as your witness, that it works, that it has blessed your life, and that it will bless the lives of the members you’re inviting to follow your example.

    6. Pay attention in seminary/Sunday school/institute.

     

    The lessons taught to you about the gospel are designed to help you learn and apply the gospel. The “Scripture Mastery” program of seminary is designed to give you a basic grasp of the scriptures and their teachings. I know so many missionaries that lamented, “I wish I had paid attention in seminary.” I even had some companions who were trying to memorize the scripture mastery verses because they realized the power that comes from quoting the scriptures word for word. Don’t underestimate the opportunity to learn in a class setting.

    7. Worship in the temple.

     

    Worshiping is so much more than just attending. If you’re not attending the temple, developing that habit is a good start. If you only have a limited-use recommend, do baptisms and confirmations as often as is reasonable. Mostly, prepare for the temple now. As you prepare for your mission, also take temple prep. Ideally, as soon as you have your mission call, you will talk with your bishop and start planning a date to go to the temple to receive your endowment. This is where taking temple prep. as you work on your papers is huge. Once you have received your endowment, take full advantage of the House of the Lord before you leave. As you attend His house, you will gain the perspective of why we do missionary work and that baptism is not the end goal.

    These seven things, when combined with developed social skills, a positive mental attitude, and a desire to work hard and be humble, lead to prepared missionaries who can hasten the work of salvation from day one. Always remember, though, that it is very important to listen to your trainer and to understand that their job is to train you. As my mission president put it to a group of new missionaries, “You are being trained. You are not here to train your trainers.” At all times, strive to be humble and willing to learn. With proper prior preparation, and with the help of your trainer, you can be a great instrument in the hands of the Lord.

    This article appeared first on mylifebygogogoff.blogspot.com and has been republished with permission

  • There’s Something Wrong With You

    There’s Something Wrong With You

    As a member of the millennial generation, I was chiefly raised in the progressive era of plastic jungle gyms and social safety nets. From the time I was very young, my life has felt safely padded by society, with little room for any real or imagined danger to threaten my fragile existence. Mine was a childhood where both teams won a trophy. Mine was a childhood where there were no losers, and everyone was special. Mine was a childhood where there was never anything wrong with anyone ever.

    But I’m here to tell you that there’s something wrong with all of us.

    We’ve somehow come to value confidence over kindness, pride over patience, and self-esteem over self-improvement. Never are you to meant to feel that your problems may be self-inflicted, or that the cause of your woes may just be your own inadequacy. These sentiments have penetrated deep into our educational system, our government, and our entire culture. But our collectively relentless quest to ensure that anyone and everyone “feel good” about themselves has in many ways stunted the spiritual and emotional growth of an entire generation. What I’m talking about has often been referred to as “the self-esteem movement”. Starting as early as the 1960s, and gaining maximum momentum through the 80s and 90s, the modern self-esteem movement has culturally embedded itself through public policy, traditional media, and most recently, through social media. The overarching sentiment is that everyone’s beliefs, actions, and lifestyles are equally valid and respectable, and to be critical of another person for any of these is itself a pernicious evil.

    My intention is not to disparage the massive strides in psychological research and practices that have led to mentally healthier lives for millions and millions of people. The desire to ensure that others recognize their own self-worth is guided by a true principle that each of us has infinite worth. Our culture has realized that humans have innate potential, and that that potential must be guarded. The psychosocial methods to accomplish that task, however, have engendered a culture where people often feel a social requirement to maintain a facade of perfection. Hence, when problems arise in our lives that threaten that flawless pretense, the modern response is to “shake it off”. Yes, it is true that our happiness should be independent from the actions and opinions of others, but if Taylor Swift’s aforementioned lyric becomes the anthem of our lives, then we may rob ourselves of genuine opportunities to improve ourselves at the suggestion of others.

    You see, there are lots of things wrong with you, there are lots of things wrong with me, and that’s okay. People may be able to delude themselves into believing that they have reached the pinnacle of perfection, or in more common vernacular, that they’re “just fine the way they are,” but when the reality of personal inadequacy inevitably rears it’s humbling head, the subscribers to this false philosophy, having done nothing to prepare themselves, will be forced to either retreat to the safe harbors of mediocrity, or drown in the endless ocean of failure. In the end, their lamps will be empty, and not because the oil of criticism was not offered, but because they did not use it.

    Building the self-esteem of others by telling them that there’s “nothing wrong with them” is a double-edged sword. While the feelings of others may be temporarily placated, the ruse can’t last forever, and they eventually will realize the truth. The reality is that there are things wrong with everyone. A person who is told over and over that their beliefs and actions are morally relative will at some point be forced to reconcile that belief with the simple fact that not all of those beliefs and actions bring equal happiness into their lives. Rather than expecting everyone to don a constant guise of perfection, we should accept the fact that there are things that are wrong with each of us, but also realize that that’s okay! We’re not, “fine the way we are”, because it’s perfectly acceptable at this stage in our existence to not be completely fine. Only when we can humble ourselves to the point that we can see ourselves for exactly who we are, the good and the bad, are we in a position to unlock the powers of the Atonement. Only then can we truly progress. President Uchtdorf expressed this beautifully in his talk, “Lord, Is It I?”. He states,

    “Brethren, none of us likes to admit when we are drifting off the right course. Often we try to avoid looking deeply into our souls and confronting our weaknesses, limitations, and fears. Consequently, when we do examine our lives, we look through the filter of biases, excuses, and stories we tell ourselves in order to justify unworthy thoughts and actions.”

     

    “But being able to see ourselves clearly is essential to our spiritual growth and well-being. If our weaknesses and shortcomings remain obscured in the shadows, then the redeeming power of the Savior cannot heal them and make them strengths. Ironically, our blindness toward our human weaknesses will also make us blind to the divine potential that our Father yearns to nurture within each of us.”

     

    It’s no wonder that personal and public religious observance has almost universally declined. What need have we for a Savior if there’s nothing in our life for Him to save us from? The “wrongs” in our lives can be anything from addictions, temptations, and bad habits, or just plain inadequacy. We cannot truly overcome any of these problems without the help of the Savior, but Christ is wholly unable to heal us if we are unable to see that we need it.

    I know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who completely understands the nature of the human condition. He would never want us to trade progression for temporary comfort. He would never want us to believe that our actions and lifestyles are all equally acceptable. He has allowed us to experience weaknesses so that fires of temporal struggles will one day refine us into the people He always intended us to be. I think the words of the Savior himself in Ether 12:27 perfectly illustrate this principle:

    “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

    We live in a tremendous progressive era and have the potential to end many forms of human injustice. Wouldn’t it be a shame to squander that energy pursuing the acceptance of false and ultimately harmful philosophies! We can do better. We can help one another. And we can allow the Savior to help us.

    There’s something wrong with each of us, and that’s how it was meant to be. If we accept the world’s mantra that we are static creatures, and cannot change, we risk losing all opportunity for meaningful progress. After all, the Gospel was never about acceptance, but always about improvement. So maybe next time some criticism comes our way, let’s take it with a grain of salt and see what we can learn from it.

  • Crab Apple Trees & Forgotten Beauty

    Crab Apple Trees & Forgotten Beauty

    When it comes to taking care of his yard, my dad has spent countless hours pruning, weeding, and mowing since the day I was born. He will pay any physical price if it means that his front yard will benefit from his work. Within the yard there are lilacs, rose bushes, freshly cut grass, and countless amounts of plants I do not know the name of. Despite all of the endearing vegetation that creates a beautiful haven out of my yard, there is one tree that my dad has despised since he planted it 19 years ago. No one truly knows the story of why he decided to plant said tree, but it still stands just as stubborn as it was the day he placed it within the soil.

    The tree is a crab apple tree. Crab apple trees are usually planted for the purpose of ornamentation in a yard. They exist to simply fill in blanks and their tiny clusters of berries they produce are virtually inedible and useless.

    Throughout the course of its life, this crab apple tree has been smitten by storms, complained to by my father because of its untamed roots, and ridiculed by my family due to its berries constantly falling off creating a disaster of red impurities upon the perpetually, clean grass beneath. There have been times when my family has wished for the wind to be strong enough to snap the trunk of the tree so we could remove it from our life forever.

    Last autumn, my mom finally had enough of this tree making a mess of her yard, and my dad was happy to oblige to her request to remove it. He was all set to dig it up within the week until they went to church on Sunday. Countless amounts of neighbors and ward members commented to my family on how beautiful the tree was at that time of year. Another person commented on the beautiful blossoms that grow during the spring. All these neighbors, ever so casually, talked about how every time they took a stroll past my yard or drove by in their vehicles, they would gaze at the crab apple tree and marvel at its beauty.

    My family was dumbstruck.

    How could this troublesome tree be anything but a nuisance? These neighbors and friends may have seen the beauty of the leaves, but all my family and I could comprehend were the falling berries and ricocheting roots that were slowly taking over the entire lawn. You can either hire people from https://www.proscapesandtree.com/ or get tips from them if you need the best looking lawn.

    That is when we decided to take a closer look at the beauty that we could not see.

    The leaves had flourished in a rich, burgundy that fall, followed by holiday-red berries that clung diligently to the snow covered branches during winter. When spring began, tiny, yet abundant pink blossoms thrived throughout the season. This summer, the leaves are a vibrant and healthy green that are pleasing to the eye.

    Throughout all the years there was so much contention directed at the tree, we failed to see just how beautiful and full of life it was. There was beauty within its branches during every season of the year, despite the difficulties it may have caused us. My family was blinded for so many years by the problems it created and disregarded the immense health, strength, and beauty it possessed.

    What I have learned from this little tree is that despite the tribulations we face in each season, instead of focusing on the worst aspects that befall us, there is a way to find beauty within those trials. Most often, the good aspects outnumber the bad. The tender mercies of a blossom or vigorous, red leaves are much more meaningful and precious than a few berries that litter the ground.

    The tree itself has overcome its own share of trials throughout the years as well. For being so small, its roots dig deeper each year and its trunk withstands even the strongest of storms. It is truly an unshakable tree that continues to find the will to live and keep going. We can ALL learn that despite the ever-changing and soul-shattering circumstances that often befall us in these latter-days, there is always a blossom that follows the winter. There is ALWAYS a reason to keep fighting for the righteous life you wish to live.

    Since this realization, I have found a new love for the little crab apple tree in the corner of my front yard. Its berries still fall, and its roots continue to shift, but the goodness and beauty it possesses is much stronger than the petty troubles it can cause. I have learned to be gracious in my times of trial, and feel the comfort and love from the Savior during the times that deeply trouble my soul. As the tree continues to grow stronger in its trials, I continue to draw strength from my own as well.

    Trials do not exist to bestow anguish and fear upon our hearts, they often appear to bring us closer to God, and though they may be difficult, there is true beauty within their purpose to lift our spirits higher in testimony of the Gospel. I am forever grateful for the trials that continue to drive my spiritual roots deeper into the ground, that I may one day be unshaken by the storms of the earth.

    But, I am especially grateful for my humble little tree that opened my eyes to the new found beauty that surrounds us all.

    Chakell Wardleigh is a senior at Weber State University and will graduate with a degree in English Literature and Professional Writing this coming spring. Most of her vocabulary consists of movie quotes and Harry Potter references. In her free time she enjoys eating chocolate licorice, buying way too many books, and laughing at her own jokes.