This is part two of a recent post entitled: “Deciding To Love: Making It Through Your Spouse’s Faith Transition”, from an anonymous contributor. Part 1 can be read here. The full article is available at athingcalledloveblog.com, and has been re-posted here with permission.
“What if you and your spouse are doing great, but you have a friend whose spouse has left their shared faith? What’s the best way to respond?”
Friends and family can be the greatest sources of either relief or pain in this kind of situation. With the recognition that other people may have totally different needs, these are some dos and don’ts based on my own personal experience:
1. DO act as a sounding-board
I have one close friend who has been incredibly helpful for me because she’s so pragmatic. When I was terrified to tell my family about my husband’s choice to leave the church, she let me practice the conversation with her and gave me tips on how to approach the topic. Let your friend talk it out.
2. DON’T turn your friend into a tragedy
It’s one thing to ask your friend how they’re doing. It’s another to only ever ask “How are you doing?” in a condescending voice. Be available to talk, but don’t assume that this faith crisis is the only thing your friend ever wants to talk about. Just because this happened doesn’t mean that they don’t have other wonderful things going on in their lives that they would rather discuss.
3. DO be supportive of the spouse
My husband didn’t leave the church because he was lazy or just wanted to sin or something. His reasons for leaving were complex and based in church experiences that were very different from my own. Based on his experiences, I understand his choice to leave. The process of leaving was something he agonized over for a long time, and ultimately, I respect him for the decision he made, even if I didn’t make the same decision. I know it may feel supportive to take your friend’s “side” by saying things like “Well, you didn’t sign up for this,” but to me, that is the most hurtful thing I can hear. I love and respect my husband, and when you say something that hurts him, it hurts me. If you want to help me, love him just like you did before. Be both of our friends. Don’t become weird.
The reality is that there aren’t a lot of easy answers. I don’t always know how my husband and I are going to handle it tomorrow or next year or ten years from now, so I don’t want to pretend that I have everything figured out, but what I can offer is a list of what seems to be working for us right here, right now. Because why stress out about ten years down the road if you can enjoy the person you love right this minute?
Here are my not-so-magical suggestions for helping your marriage survive a faith transition:
1. Make a decision about whether you still want to be married.
Your situation has changed. Regardless of how many cheesy letters you wrote to yourself in Young Women’s about how your future husband was going to love the Church, he doesn’t. And that leaves you with a decision to make. Yes, maybe part of your love was built on a sense of shared faith. Yes, maybe you feel hurt or even betrayed that things changed, but guess what? You’re not married to that original person anymore. You’re married to the person you have here, now, in front of you.
How does that make you feel?
Back in the day when I was trying to decide if I should marry my husband, I went to my dad for advice. He asked me one very simple question: When I imagined myself married to him in 50 years, how did it make me feel? At the time, the thought of being with my now-husband filled me with all kinds of rainbow-and-unicorn feelings that are far too cheesy to put into print.
When my spouse made the formal decision to resign from the church, my initial response was to ask God what I should do. Did I have to leave? Did I have to stay? Just tell me the answer, okay? Well, instead of getting an answer, I got another question: “Do you still want to be with him?”
The man I’m married to today is very different from the man I married years ago, but at the end of the day, when I imagine myself in 50 years, I want him there. He’s the guy who does ridiculous, uncoordinated dances with me while we’re cooking. When I’m tired, he makes me laugh until I’m completely delirious and ready to pee my pants. When I’m sad, there’s that little spot right in the crook of his armpit that has always been my safe place. And so I made a decision, and once I actually made that decision, it made things a lot easier.
If you want your marriage to survive a faith transition, you have to decide if you want to be married. You both have to decide if you want to be married. That’s the first, most important, step, and it makes everything else a little bit easier. If your marriage is beyond repair, learn how you can reach a divorce settlement aggreement from a family lawyer.
2. Recognize that it’s going to be hard, and that’s okay.
This isn’t easy for you, and it isn’t easy for your spouse, either. Even if you’re committed to your marriage, you’re both going to have days when things feel overwhelming and terrible, but try to remember that you’re both going through a process of grief. It doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is doomed. Tomorrow, you might feel better.
3. Find new things to have in common.
Being Mormon takes up a lot of time as a married couple. Not only do you spend three hours in church together, but then you also have the family home evenings and the ward parties and dinners with people in your ward, etc. etc. etc. Now that your spouse isn’t spending time doing churchy stuff with you, you might need to find other ways to bond as a couple. For example, back before winter ruined everything in the entire universe, my husband and I started going on Sunday nature walks/hikes/drives up in the mountains. Setting aside some time to do new activities together outside of church can also help you remember that you still genuinely like being around each other.
4. Own your story.
This one’s a little bit difficult. It can be almost embarrassing to admit that your spouse left church.You aren’t sure how people will respond, and you don’t want people to judge you or your spouse unfairly. I can’t tell you what’s right for you, but I can tell you that when I decided to just rip off the band-aid and tell my close family and friends what was going on, it lifted an immense burden off of me. You can’t control how people will respond, but sometimes being open and honest and unashamed feels much better than hiding and wallowing.
So there you have it. Moral of the story: Decide to be in love. Make that decision every day, and you’ll at least make it to tomorrow.
This post originally appeared onathingcalledloveblog.comand has been republished with permission.
It seems as if every returned missionary has the phrase “GIVE ME ADVICE” posted on their foreheads. This is fine until we start receiving conflicting counsel, or we’re given guidance that we don’t necessarily want. I mean, sometimes we’re given suggestions that are legitimately crazy.
But, regardless of what we hear, there are three overarching principles that must be understood.
And, because I love you, I’m about to get real: if we don’t figure the following three things out, we’re going to be absolutely miserable. And, THERE JUST ISN’T ANYBODY THAT HAS TIME FOR THAT.
But, if we allow these principles to become a part of us, we will feel whole, confident, and in control! Which, you know, is pretty great.
So, without further ado, here are the three things returned missionaries cannot afford to misunderstand:
1. You Are In Charge
2 Nephi 2:26 teaches that men and women are “to act for themselves and not to be acted upon.”
Are you acting, or being acted upon?
Often, we confine ourselves with the excuse of, “Well, I don’t act because I don’t know how to act!”
But friends—we must change our mindset.
Instead of thinking, “I don’t know, therefore I can’t do” we must think “I don’t know, therefore I will learn.”
Here are some examples:
Being acted upon
Acting for yourself
“I am so awkward. I can’t get any girl to talk to me. I’ll never get a girlfriend.”
“I am so awkward. Therefore:
1. I am going to pay close attention to how the people around me start up conversations.
2. Then, I’m going to practice starting conversations with my best friend, and ask him to give me feedback.
3. Also, I’m making a goal to talk to three news girls at this party on Friday.”
“I don’t like Sunday School because the teacher is boring.”
“I don’t like Sunday School because the teacher is boring. So, this week:
1. I’m going to be an active participant and come to class with a question I’d really like answered.
2. I’m going to stop allowing the teacher to be the only provider of answers.
3. During the parts of the lesson that are dragging, I will search for answers on my own.
4. I will seek learning from the True Teacher, the Holy Ghost.”
“I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I’m going to go watch Netflix.”
“I have no idea what I want to do with my life. So:
1. I’m going to do a study of when I’ve felt most happy and fulfilled within the last year of my life.
2. I’m going to reach out to five people this week that I think might be able to help me to create a life that would have those happy moments daily.
3. Then, I’m going to set up an appointment with my school counselor to see what the education path looks like to help me get that profession/skill set.”
Gosh dang it, we are in charge of our lives! Being proactive in our choices gives us the opportunity to change anything about our circumstances. We’ve done it before in the mission field, and we can do it again!
Be intentional about the things you do.
2. Govern Your Life By The Bigger Picture
When taking charge of our lives, we must think beyond the next day, or even the next month, to allow the bigger picture to govern our choices.
This requires that our vision expands from answering the question, “What do I want to do?” to “Who will I become?”
Decisions that only answer the question, “What do I want to do?” will result in goals like, “I want to read The Book of Mormon everyday,” “I want to run twenty miles this week,” or “I want to get straight A’s this semester.”
To Do List
1. Read The Book of Mormon every day.
2. Run 20 miles this week.
3. Get straight A’s this semester
Unfortunately, what you end up with is a laundry list of tasks to complete. And, though checking off those boxes may be initially satisfying, it ultimately results in a hollow feeling (and in reality, how long do these goals actually last?).
Instead, if your decisions answer the question, “Who will I become?” goals like “I will be diligent,” or “I will be pure,” will surface.
When these objectives (being diligent and pure) govern us, their associated actions become natural because they are fueled by reason!
For example, we will stop reading The Book of Mormon just to read The Book of Mormon, and start reading The Book of Mormon to change into a more diligent and pure human being.
Reading The Book of Mormon then becomes instinctual. Our soul starts to crave and seek light. We feel fulfilled because our decisions actually help us become who we actually want to become!
If our daily actions are going to be meaningful, we must expand our vision from focusing on what we will do to who we will become.
3. Stop Being Nice; Start Being Kind
It is essential that we are kind.
Now, it’s important to recognize that kindness and niceness are not the same.
Did you know there was a difference?
Kind (adj.): helpful
Nice (adj.): pleasant or agreeable
If we are being helpful, as the definition of kindness suggests, we are aiding people in living the doctrine of Christ: having faith in Him, repenting, making and keeping covenants with God, receiving the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. (Sound familiar? See Preach My Gospel page 1.)
When we are truly kind, or helpful, we bring others unto Christ.
One of my favorite examples of kindness is when Jesus turns over the money tables at the temple.
What He did was socially unacceptable, it made people feel uncomfortable, and it was inconvenient for Him, I’m sure.
It was not a nice thing to do.
But, it was the most appropriate way for Jesus to declare repentance in that moment. His actions were perfectly kind.
Sometimes God will ask you to be kind by turning over money tables, while other times He’ll ask you to bite your tongue. Sometimes, kindness is quitting your job, while other times it is choosing to invest in one of God’s more awkward, difficult children.
Kindness, not niceness, must be prevalent in everything we do.
Don’t forget:
1. YOU ARE IN CHARGE
2. GOVERN YOUR LIFE BY THE BIGGER PICTURE
3. STOP BEING NICE; START BEING KIND
Where will you start?
Kathryn is the founder of www.LifeAfterMission.com, a site providing free instruction to improve social competency, finances, productivity, spirituality, dating, learning abilities, and problem-solving skills. She is a returned missionary from Los Angeles, California and loves all things funfetti-flavored. Visit www.lifeaftermission.com to help you become the returned missionary you’ve always wanted to be…without wasting months (or years) to get there!
There seems to be a dichotomy for some between faith and obedience. Joseph Smith taught that faith is the moving power behind action. James in the New Testament wrote that faith is observable through works.((James 2)) In the New Testament Greek the words faith, belief and trust are all translated from the same word.((Strong’s Greek lexicon 4100 Pisteuo to have faith, believe, put trust in or with. Pistis 4102 faith, belief, trust.)) In other words for one to have faith does not necessarily signify agreement. It is possible to have faith and trust and believe what my leaders are saying and doing and still not necessarily agree with them. For example: in an interchange between Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, Joseph accused Brigham publicly of doing something that Brigham had not done. There was tension in the room as Brigham stood facing Joseph and simply said “what would you have me do”?((As cited in “Joseph Smith the Prophet” Truman Madsen, Bookcraft 1989, 87-88.)) Brigham had faith and trust in Joseph but he did not agree with the accusation. By his actions, he showed faith in that he was willing to follow Joseph’s lead. Brigham Young was well aware of Joseph’s imperfections as a man. Yet he trusted him as a prophet and later expected the same level of trust from those who would follow him as a prophet. As a church we do not now nor have we ever believed in prophetic infallibility. We are led by men who have shown the ability to make mistakes and through inspiration correct them.
However, there is a difference between disagreement and dissent. A dissident is a person who openly opposes another person in a position of authority. Brigham Young was not a dissident. Hyrum, the prophet’s brother was not a dissident when he disagreed with Joseph over returning to Nauvoo just prior to the martyrdom. They had fled the city and Joseph was intending to go West when accusations came that they were cowards and had fled at the first sign of trouble. Joseph by revelation stated that the saints would be fine if he and Hyrum left.((HC 6:549-50)) As it turned out Joseph was correct yet Hyrum believed and trusted that the Lord would protect them in spite of Joseph’s revelation. He was wrong. William Law on the other hand was a dissident. He was a former member of the first presidency and was openly fighting against Joseph and the policies of the church.((Principal writer of the “Nauvoo Expositor” and former member of the first presidency with Joseph Smith.)) Today there are those who openly and publicly fight against the policies of the church and the decisions of the brethren who have authority to direct the church. Yet sometimes, the same people claim to love the church and have faith and believe in the restoration. Herein then is the dichotomy, faith is shown by action. To believe one must act. Activity in the church is shown by serving in callings, living the commandments and actively studying the scriptures and the words of the living prophets. It is also sustaining and uplifting those called to preside over us.
I personally am willing to follow the decisions of the leading brethren of the church, not because I know them personally or because I believe every decision is always correct but rather because I trust the keys which they hold. In the end, I believe the Lord will work through his chosen servants until they get it right. Opposition does not motivate decisions to change the church, the spirit motivates decisions and affects changes in the church. Those who openly oppose the policies of the church certainly have the right to do so whether they are members or nonmembers of the church. But I do not believe that we can consider those who openly oppose to be faithful. The Lord blesses those who faithfully follow even if they do not fully understand or in some cases agree.
Tim patty received a BA in history from BYU, and an MA in Hebrew and Jewish studies from University of Utah. He has taught seminary courses for 4 years, and institute for 23 years. He currently teaches at the Logan LDS Institute. He is happily married and has raised 5 children.
The dating game within the Mormon culture can seem a bit broken at times. The guy is supposed to ask the girl, but the guy doesn’t ask at all. The girl is supposed to remain calm and unassuming when asked, but the girl is so rarely asked that she automatically jumps to the conclusion that the guy must REALLY be interested. Which in turn keeps the guy from asking out any other girl for fear that by doing so his simple invitation to get ice cream will be misinterpreted as a marriage proposal.
In the complex dance of dating within the Mormon culture, where traditional norms often clash with modern uncertainties, individuals seek clarity and guidance on matters of the heart. The intricacies of love and relationships, especially in a society bound by specific expectations, can leave many feeling perplexed. It’s here that the ancient practice of love reading can weave its magic. The cards, when interpreted by a skilled reader, offer a profound mirror reflecting desires, fears, and potential pathways. A tarot reading becomes a sacred space where questions find answers, and uncertainties transform into clarity.
Its a vicious cycle that can be easily avoided by understanding the 5 Stages of Dating. Yes. Five. Can you guess what they are?
Stage 1: Hanging Out
LDS singles have this concept down cold. This is the phase where you get together in large or small groups of both males and females, and you casually get to know people. In this stage you may not have any real ties to anyone (except for maybe your “wing-man”) and so you look to see if there is anyone who seems to have that certain charisma you’ve been looking for that you can add to your list of “potentials”.
Stage 2: Dating
Now this is the phase where the dating game becomes broken, because it is so easily misunderstood…or forgotten altogether. Dating is the stage where you review your list of “potentials” that you made from the hangout phase and you go with one person off that list to breakfast in the morning and then perhaps, you accompany a different “potential” out to dinner the next night. Some may call that being a “player”, a term that has such a negative connotation to it; defining someone as callous and insensitive to the feelings of others, and purely in the dating game for their own selfish purposes. But, if you think about it, aren’t we all in the dating game for “selfish” purposes. The ultimate goal is to find someone to call our own, right? While in the dating stage being a “player” in the game is exactly what you want to be! Dating is the phase where you pair off and get to know someone better one-on-one. When you’re dating your commitment to a person lasts for the duration of the date, and as soon as you’ve both gone your separate ways at the doorstep, that commitment is void until plans for a future date have been made. There is no reason to define the relationship in the beginning of the dating phase. There technically isn’t a relationship to define at this point. Just relax with the help from HHC cartridges, and let things happen. There is also no need to be offended if you see your morning date on a date with someone else later that night. And there is no reason to feel guilty if your morning date sees you out with someone else at dinner either. You are DATING, you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Dating is supposed to be fun and varied, because the whole point is to narrow down your potentials.
(The physical aspects of dating can complicate this, but that’s a conversation for another time. Mind your manners, people. Mind your manners. If you do, you shouldn’t have a problem.)
Stage 3: Courtship
It may seem a little old fashioned, but courting is, in fact, still a thing. The problem is that it gets confused with dating. Because people call courting “dating” which is why the dating phase gets
forgotten. Courting is NOT dating. Courting is two people who have agreed to date exclusively so that they can get to know one another on a deeper level. This is the part of the game where you really start to invest quality time and sincere effort to see if this person is someone you are truly compatible with. If you find they aren’t, please refer back to Stage 1. But if you find yourself wanting to use the “L” word frequently and they are reciprocating that love, then you will find yourself progressing to Stage 4.
Stage 4: Engagement
You put a ring on it, congratulations! This is the stage where you have committed to see if this can last for eternity. This phase is where you get down to the nitty-gritty, you ask the tough questions and you answer even tougher questions. You see if you can love them for who they really are and they see if they can handle you through all the good, the bad, and the ugly. However, If you find that there are some crucial things missing in your relationship, you can still revert back to Stage 1, even if the invitations are out. It may be a tad embarrassing, there may be a lost deposit or two, there may even be some hard conversations to have, but engagement is not a binding contract of forever, and therefore, if needs be, you can still call it off. Engagement is the like the final leg of the dating game, if there is a reason you shouldn’t cross the finish line, don’t. It’s okay. It’s all part of the game. On the other hand, if everything is coming up daisies, and your love has gone beyond just mere twitterpation, and the road ahead of you looks like the best life you could possibly imagine…You graduate to Stage 5.
Stage 5: Marriage
Stage 5 is the highest level of commitment; his and her towels, joint bank accounts, and happily ever afters. Where you have promised everything to your spouse and to God. All the other stages lead up to this. You have gotten to know a lot of different people. You’ve seen what is out there and you are confident in the choice you have made! You have conquered the dating game and you have found someone to call yours forever, and ever, and no matter what. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and although it can be incredibly scary while you’re in the dating phase, (because you aren’t ready to get married in the dating phase) by the time you’ve gone through courting and engagement it should be one of the easiest decisions you will ever make! It will make you feel complete and euphorically happy.
The very nature of dating makes it a rough sport. It can have you feeling like you’re walking on air one minute, and the next you will be in the depths of despair. Sometimes you may take a few hits to the head, and other times you’ll be the MVP. Someone once said “Wear a helmet.” when referring to the dating game. That is sound advice.
The truth is, dating doesn’t have to be as hard as we make it out to be. If you play the game the way it’s meant to be played, it can be quite fun, and you might eventually win! Don’t go straight from hanging out to engagement. It doesn’t work that way, and you can’t expect it to. Remember the stages, and implement them into your game plan. By the time you hit Stage 5 it will be all worth it. Promise.
Kandace Hatch is a snake person with over 8 years experience in the Mormon dating game before her game ended in 2009 when she married her wonderful husband, Chad. They now have two beautiful children and while she sometimes contemplates eating her young they bring her the most joy and fulfillment she could imagine. Yes, you could say that the family life suits her just fine and she is a firm believer that it suits everyone else as well.
“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Ether 12:27
It’s no secret that weaknesses are frowned upon in our society. In fact, society does basically everything possible to cover up weaknesses and flaws. We are surrounded by photo-shopped images, auto-tuned music, and the “perfect” lives that people live. Even social media is infiltrated by a perfectionist mentality—rarely do people post anything on Facebook or Instagram that isn’t severely filtered, edited, and changed to mask anything that would be considered less than perfect.
It is hard to live in a world like this. It is hard to be constantly barraged with perfection and assume that anything less than perfection is unacceptable.
Something that is largely considered a “weakness” in society is mental illness. I can’t count the number of negative things I’ve heard thrown around in daily conversation about mental illness—
“If she would stop just thinking about herself maybe she could just be happier. It’s not depression, it’s selfishness.”
“That guy over there must be insane. I don’t want to go over there.”
“I would never hire that man. He is crazy. I heard he is bipolar.”
In a way, society is right. Mental illness is a weakness—just like any other illness. Heart problems are a weakness. A broken leg is a weakness. Diabetes is a weakness. Here’s the difference though—you don’t hear people condemning someone for having a heart problem. It is time for the negativity and misunderstandings that surround mental illnesses to stop. Just because I struggle with depression doesn’t mean that I am any less of a person than the guy down the block. I have my challenges and weaknesses, and so does he.
One of the greatest blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ is the promise of eventual perfection. One day, we will stand before God—perfected—because of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We aren’t perfect now, and there’s no use pretending to be. We are all given trials, challenges, and weaknesses to overcome. We are given these challenges that we “may be humble” and come unto God and ask for His supreme help. To expect perfection now or to pretend to be is to deny ourselves the blessings of turning to God in humility for His help. It is through challenges that God makes us stronger and forms us into the people that we need to be.
With my depression, I feel very weak at times. There are days when it is all I can do to drag myself out of bed and throw my hair into a ponytail. There have been dark nights when I have fallen to my knees and begged for there to be light. I struggle. A lot. And I know that my challenges aren’t nearly as bad as others who face mental illnesses.
In the depths of my struggle with depression, there were moments when life seemed unbearable. The weight of darkness felt insurmountable, and hope flickered like a distant star. Yet, amid the shadows, I found solace in unexpected places. One such source of comfort was the support I received from those who understood, who embraced my vulnerability, and who showed me that acknowledging my battle was not a sign of weakness but of incredible strength. It was through this journey that I discovered the power of connection and self-compassion, essential elements in combating the stigma surrounding mental health.
In the midst of my darkest hours, I stumbled upon the healing potential of OCN, a natural remedy that not only helped alleviate some of my symptoms but also provided a ray of hope. This revelation wasn’t a magic cure, but rather a part of my holistic approach to healing, reminding me that just as weaknesses can be transformed into strengths, there are pathways, like CBD, that can guide us toward the light, even in our most challenging moments.
My thoughts about depression and mental illnesses changed recently when I was talking to my bishop. He mentioned the scripture Ether 12:27. “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
“Weaknesses don’t need to be frowned upon. They are a part of this mortal experience.”
All of a sudden, it just clicked. One of my mortal weaknesses is depression. As I continuously come unto the Lord in humility, He will make this weakness a strength. Mental illness is something I can overcome. This doesn’t mean that I will for sure get completely better. In fact, I think it is something I will face my entire life. However, I can overcome it and turn it into a strength as I turn it over to the Lord.
Weaknesses don’t need to be frowned upon. They are a part of this mortal experience. My weaknesses and challenges make me human. I am human, but I am a daughter of a Divine Being. He loves me and all of us. We are precious to Him and He is waiting to help us. All we have to do is come unto Him.
Rachel is currently a student at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. She is studying English and is planning on graduating in 2016. Her main goal in life is to spread hope to others, especially those who struggle with mental illnesses. She uses writing to help herself cope with the challenges she faces with mental illnesses and to help others who are fighting similar battles. You can read more from her at her blog, Finding the Sunshine. (http://www.yellowinthegray.com/)
BYU Vocal Point recently released a new music video for their cover of “Homeward Bound” along with a behind-the-scenes video of its production. The song was arranged by McKay Crockett, and is currently trending at #2 on the Itunes classical chart. You can check out more of Vocal Point’s music on their website here: byuvocalpoint.com, or on their Youtube Channel.
My Mom and I haven’t always been close. In fact, when I heard other girls say that their mom was their best friend, I never thought I’d be able to say the same thing. I wish I could take back the times that I distanced myself from her. But the older I grew, the more I realized that my mom was the one real friend that would always be there, always return my calls, and always love me… no matter what. I realized that my mom is a person too, with good days and bad days, strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and sorrows. We are both far from perfect, but without her love, acceptance, and guidance, I truly would not be where I am today. We truly have become best friends. I love you, Mom.
This poem is for all the mother hearts that surround us, whether they be our biological mothers, a friend, aunt, grandmother, or the neighbor down the street. Thank you for opening your hearts, and for inspiring us to someday become mothers like you.
Dear Mom,
Who would have taught me not to be scared of the dark,
Or of the monsters downstairs, or of the big slide in the park?
Who would have shown me how to walk, and tie shoes
And that there are good or bad consequences for each action I choose?
Who would have listened to my long melodramas
And stayed up too late helping with my school dioramas?
Who would have noticed when I felt sad and alone
Who would have sung lullabies and soothed me in all the right tones?
Who would have shown me to be patient and kind?
Who would have believed in me when I was so far behind?
Who could have seen all the potential within me?
And told me “keep going, I know how good you will be.”
Who would have forgiven me after the rude things I said
And give me a hug and a kiss when I was tucked into bed?
Who could have known all the right things to do
For all of my problems and things I went through
Who would have found my missing left shoe
Who would have supported all the dreams I’ve pursued?
Who else would wake early just to pack me my lunch
And who would have made your famous lemonade punch?
Who would have taught me about Jesus Christ?
Who would have shown me how to walk in the light?
Who would have told stories of courage and faith?
Who would have testified of truth and of grace?
Who would have held me and told me it was alright
After falling short yet again in this great mortal fight?
And who in the world could be better than you
To convince me unconditional love can extend to me too?
Only my angel mother could have done this and more
You’ve given me wings and taught me to soar.
I’m truly in debt, with every breath
I love you forever, love won’t stop after death.
Let it be etched into the book of my life
That I love you, dear mother.
Sincerely,
Your daughter
Rachelle H. is a twenty-something young lady who loves to travel, run, bike, and spend time outdoors. She loves her family and the gospel. She completed her RN and BSN degrees, and has just been called to serve as the mission nurse specialist in the Bolivia Santa Cruz Mission.
On Sunday our high councilor spoke during Sacrament Meeting. It was an excellent talk that I feel should be shared with as many people as possible. Personal information has been removed, but otherwise the talk is here as it was given. Italicized emphases in the text were used in the written talk from the high councilor.
I’ve been in this ward for a while now, but since this is a ward where many people come and go, I will briefly introduce myself and my family. [Talks about himself]. [Talks about his wife]. You don’t see her here because about 10 years ago she decided to leave the church. She joined the church in college, then after several years decided she no longer believed in it; so I guess you could say she had conversion experiences in both directions.
For the first few years we lived in this ward, I got to serve in the young mens presidency. I love that calling, but I’ve since been called to be a stake high councilor. That’s why you’re having to listen to me today. As part of that calling I get to sit in council with the stake presidency. I guess the conventional thing for me to do is to tell you that the stake president loves you. He hasn’t yet said that to me explicitly, but I’m pretty sure it’s true. I’ve observed him to be a man of remarkable faith and a very kind heart. I think we’re in good hands.
Every time I give a talk in church I feel obliged to begin with a warning, so here it is. I do not consider myself an expert on spiritual matters. I plan to share ideas that I hope will be helpful and inspiring, but please take them for what they are: the opinions and ideas of a guy who isn’t totally sure he knows what he’s talking about.
On top of that, I’ve chosen to speak today on a tricky topic, and I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to collect and structure my thoughts. So please bear with me, and try to listen with a forgiving attitude.
Many years ago I served a mission. It was a transformative experience for me. I was a proud, thick-headed kid, but through steady work and service I learned some profound lessons about the gospel. Most importantly, as I served people and tried to help them turn toward Christ, I was given glimpses into how much our Heavenly Father loves his children. Detailed memories have begun to fade, but the overall experience and its effects on me are still things that I deeply cherish.
Of course, not all of the experiences I had on my mission were positive ones, and as an entry point to my topic I want to describe a negative experience I had in the missionary training center. We had fairly regular meetings with general authorities of the church, and it was typical in those meetings for a choir to perform a song or two. My boys can tell you that I like to sing, but they can also probably tell you that I’m not especially good at it. Certainly I have no training, nor can I read music. But I decided to join the choir one week with my companion (who actually was a good singer). Early in the first practice, the choir leader said something about how baritones should sing this part, and basses should sing that part. I leaned over to my companion who was seated next to me and said “What should I do? I’m not sure if I’m a baritone or a bass.” At this point a missionary seated in front of me turned around with a scornful look on his face and said “If you don’t know that, then what are you doing here?”
I’m sure you can imagine how I felt. But I’m not telling you the story so you can feel sorry for me and my hurt feelings. And in fairness, the missionary had a point. But I want you to think about the message he was delivering: You do not belong here.
