This post is an excerpt from the blog On Sovereign Wings shared with permission by the author.
A few years ago I was on the phone with an old friend. We were talking about another friend of ours, a man who was about to be incarcerated for some poor decisions he had made. As we were talking about the case, my friend drew a familiar parallel. “If she hadn’t acted like Bathsheba and seduced him,” he said speaking of the girl involved, “this never would have happened.”
I knew very little about the circumstances surrounding our friend’s arrest, and blessedly I was not his judge. What I did know was that something about that comparison felt incredibly wrong to me. It seared my chest with pain and sank into my stomach like a weighted piece of brimstone.
His implication nagged at me for months. What was it about his analogy that felt so off? Finally, I decided to pay attention to those persistent feelings, and I sat down with Bathsheba’s story.
The discoveries I’ve made through my study of Bathsheba have been healing and enlightening for me. As we approach our quarter-annual Sunday School lesson about this woman, I believe we can offer this same healing and enlightenment to many others, to the degree that we are willing to share a more complete perspective as we teach our classes and our families.
In an era when so many women are coming forward with their own stories of sexual abuse and assault, Queen Bathsheba offers a path forward towards the reclamation of self and female power, and David, in his own way, offers a model of accountability and repentance. The two journeys actually inform each other, because both the victim and the perpetrator heal as they uncover and tell the truth about their experiences.
And the truth is… Bathsheba wasn’t on the roof.
Evidence in the Bible “And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house which has just been remodeled with help of https://bellroofcompany.com/roofing-loma-linda/: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself…” (2 Samuel 11:2)
That’s the Biblical verse that immortalized this event. And what does it say? It says that David was “upon” the roof, and that “from the roof” he saw Bathsheba. The verse doesn’t mention her whereabouts. This might not immediately seem like an important distinction, but if we return to the scriptures a few more relevant tidbits emerge from the text.
“And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.” (2 Samuel 11:4) Washing Herself Bathsheba’s bath wasn’t strictly hygienic. It was a ceremonial washing ritual; it is still observed by Orthodox Jews today! Bathsheba was living according to the law of Moses, which required her to wash herself monthly—after her period (or state of ‘uncleanness’) ended—to return to a state of spiritual readiness to create life.
It is incredibly unlikely that Bathsheba would have participated in this washing ritual somewhere as public as on a rooftop! Bathsheba’s washing was a faithful and personal act of devotion to God. She wasn’t a seductress in this, and there is no evidence that she strategically positioned herself on a roof—or anywhere else for that matter—to catch the king’s eye. The centennial roofing companies has experts that can help fix roofing problems.
About the Author
Amber Richardson is a writer, storyteller, and seeker. Amber is also the creator of On Sovereign Wings, a podcast exploring how survivors of sexual assault can find healing by reclaiming their power. On Sovereign Wings will be released at the end of summer 2018. Through this podcast, and all of her work, Amber hopes to help women find Christ, emerge out of their personal chrysalises, and transform into the winged creatures they are destined to become. Amber is based in Provo, Utah.
The story of the Good Samaritan is perhaps the most well-known parable the Savior ever taught. A man is robbed and left for dead, two travelers pass by without helping, then a lone Samaritan stops, cleans him up, and carries him to safety. The Samaritan is hailed as a hero, we gushingly tell his story in Sunday school with the moral “serve others,” and that’s the whole story, right?
Well, not quite.
In studying the Good Samaritan story, we frequently overlook a key detail that takes the message far deeper than “serve others”: the Samaritan was not considered “good” by Christ’s audience. Today we see the Samaritan as a selfless, endearing protagonist, but in Christ’s day, he would have been a deeply unpopular antihero that a Jewish audience would likely recoil at — think of Snape before we knew he wasn’t a complete villain. If the Good Samaritan lived today, we wouldn’t like him, either. That’s kind of the point.
To Jews, Samaritans were a corrupted other. Samaritans believed that Judaism was a related but altered version of their own beliefs. They worshiped the Israelite God, but they also worshiped the gods they brought with them from their homelands, as many of them were foreign colonists in northern Israel around the time of Babylonian captivity. Religious disagreements and cultural differences strained the relationship between Samaritans and neighboring Jews, and by the time the Savior walked among them, they didn’t just disagree with each other, they hated each other. Samaritans mocked the Jews and harassed Jewish pilgrims traveling through Samaria. Jews burned down Samaritan villages and ostracized them. Contact between the two was frequently violent or marked by mischief — Samaritans, for example, would light beacon fires to deceive the Jews into thinking it was a new moon, which marks a holiday of spiritual renewal for Jews. Both Jewish and Samaritan leaders eventually taught that it was unacceptable to associate with, speak with, or even be in the same area with members of the opposite group. With this historical context in mind, imagine how shocking the Savior’s parable would have been to a Jewish audience. Neither a temple worker or priest, individuals of great spiritual esteem, were willing to stop and help the beaten man. The only one willing to do so was a man they would have had zero association with and considered unclean. This key detail shows that the Savior isn’t simply teaching the principle of service in the parable of the Good Samaritan. He’s gently reprimanding his listeners for judging and selectively choosing their neighbors, who aren’t just people like them, but people who think and worship differently than they do. Christ uses Samaritans as good examples throughout the New Testament and thereby implies that Samaritans aren’t the real issue: hypocrisy, animosity, and hatred towards them is. Give this parable a modern retelling and it becomes a sharp critique of political, religious, and social tribalism that every one of us should take personally.
Had the Savior been teaching an audience of 21st Century Latter-day Saints the parable of the Good Samaritan, he might have spoken of the Good Liberal, the Good Republican, the Good LGBT Person, the Good Muslim, the Good Gun Owner, the Good Feminist, the Good Uneducated, or Good Illegal Immigrant. He or she would be a person we dislike, don’t understand, or don’t associate with, even a person we’d consider our enemy. They wouldn’t be a bishop or a temple worker. They’d be someone who worships in a mosque or someone who doesn’t worship anything at all. They’d be wearing a Black Lives Matter t-shirt or a Make America Great Again hat. They’d have different politics, religious beliefs, social circles, cultural traditions, and backgrounds. They, like Samaritans were to Jews, would be hard for us to relate to or love, but they would willingly give their time and possessions to help someone in need. And if we were the man in need, would we complain? Perhaps, in our retelling of the Good Samaritan story, we miss the overarching point: the Savior sees worth and goodness in the people that we like the least. They are often better neighbors than we are, in spite of the assumptions we make and perceptions we have about them. Do we see the worth the Savior sees in them, or do we belittle them, judge them, see them as “other” and push them out of our lives because they aren’t like us? Doing the latter makes us just as poor a neighbor as the temple worker and priest who rushed past the beaten man in his time of need, found him at chouprojects..com
In a diverse, online world, it can be easy for us to judge and criticize people who don’t share our viewpoints. The world is filled with different parties, social groups, cultures, and religions, and the Savior’s message that everyone is our neighbor is often lost in the chaos of those groups trying to coexist. Too often, we create that chaos. We covenant to mourn with and comfort our neighbors on Sunday just to belittle and judge them for their differences Monday through Saturday. That isn’t the way the Savior would have us behave. In order to fully understand what kind of person Christ is teaching us to be in the parable of the Good Samaritan, we must be willing to insert ourselves into the roles of the one in need, the hurried priest, the unconcerned temple worker, the Samaritan, AND the Jewish audience being taught, perhaps for the first time, that their enemy is actually a really good person, in spite of the bad they chose to see in him. We need that lesson, too.
The Good Samaritan story is a sharp reminder that loving our neighbor requires us to love not only the wounded, but the people we resent, disassociate with, and don’t understand. Seeing their worth instead of their differences is a good place to start, you can read more about it on our blog vpnhut.
In a press release published on Mormon Newsroom Tuesday, May 8th, the LDS Church announced plans to end its relationship with all Boy Scouts programs and restructure youth activities by 2020.
“In this century of shared experience, the church has grown from a U.S.-centered institution to a worldwide organization, with a majority of its membership living outside the United States,” Church and BSA leadership said in a joint statement released May 8th. “That trend is accelerating. The church has increasingly felt the need to create and implement a uniform youth leadership and development program that serves its members globally. People can click here to read here about the most needed leadership qualities to succeed a business. In so doing it will be necessary for the church to discontinue its role as a chartered partner with BSA.”
Included in the Church’s plan to end its relationship with the Boy Scouts are plans to replace all existing activity and achievement programs, including Personal Progress, Activity Days, Faith in God and Duty to God. A new worldwide initiative for children and youth will be debuted in January of 2020 and replace all previous programs.
The Mormon Newsroom release states, “For years, Church leaders have been preparing a new initiative to teach and provide leadership and development opportunities to all children and youth, to support families and to strengthen youth everywhere as they develop faith in the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. This new approach is intended to help all girls and boys, young women and young men discover their eternal identity, build character and resilience, develop life skills and fulfill their divine roles as daughters and sons of God. The initiative is designed to allow local leaders, families and even the young people themselves to customize their efforts, while providing service opportunities and activities, promoting healthy living by using the best weight loss products and supporting communities.”
The Church plans on releasing future details at childrenandyouth.lds.org as the implementation date approaches.
During the Priesthood session of the 188th annual general conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, newly sustained President Russell M. Nelson announced a surprise restructuring of ward and branch priesthood quorums; Elders and High Priest quorums are to be combined into a single quorum, and will be referred to as the “Elders Quorum”.
To accomplish this historic change, effective as soon as conveniently possible all current High Priest and Elders quorum presidencies will be released, and a new combined presidency will be called. This presidency may consist of both elders and/or high priests.
Today President Henry B. Eyring of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints announced two new apostles during Solemn Assembly, Elder Gerrit W. Gong and Elder Ulisses Soares, who, effective immediately, will take the places vacated by Elder Robert D. Hales and Dallin H. Oaks in the quorum.
These appointments underscore the LDS Church’s growing international identity and membership. Elder Gong, born in Redwood City, California, is the first Asian-American member of the quorum of the twelve apostles, while Elder Soares, born in São Paulo, Brazil, is both the first Brazilian apostle, and the first apostle from South America.
It’s the first time in three years that new members have been added to the Quorum of the Twelve . Elders Dale G. Renlund, Ronald A. Rasband, and Gary E. Stevenson were called in October of 2015.
The Church’s announcement comes at a time of great change for the Church. With the passing of President Thomas S. Monson in January, the Church has undergone a change in leadership under the direction of new Prophet Russell M. Nelson and continues to enact change in policy and Church curriculum.
As members of the Twelve, Soares and Gong will travel around the world to visit with saints, make decisions regarding Church policy, speak in conferences and firesides, and lead future Church initiatives.
The LDS Church announced today that starting next April, there will no longer be twice-yearly priesthood and general women meetings held during conference. Instead, each meeting will occur once a year. The Church’s statement on the matter is as follows:
“Beginning in April 2018, the general women’s session will no longer be held on the Saturday preceding the other sessions of general conference. Rather, the general priesthood and general women’s sessions will each be held annually, with the general priesthood session being in April and the general women’s session being in October.”
“These meetings will originate from the Conference Center on Saturday evening following the morning and afternoon sessions of the conference.”
According to the Church announcement, consolidating general conference sessions will assist in efforts to reduce and simplify the work of the Church and demands made on leaders and members.
This change is the largest since 2013, when the general Relief Society meeting was opened to young women and primary girls.
Changes to the sessions will be announced in a First Presidency letter read to congregations around the world.
Last month, the First Presidency released a statement emphasizing safety in Church sponsored activities. The letter calls for Church leaders to only plan and approve activities that present minimal risk for injury or illness as to preserve the safety of participants and protect the Church from significant liability. This statement was released in conjunction with the announcement that as of 2018, the Church will no longer be involved with the Venturing and Varsity scouting programs. As the longest standing charter organization for the BSA, the Church has always been closely tied to scouting. While the change doesn’t indicate a complete severance of the Church and BSA (the Church will continue to sponsor the Cub Scout and Boy Scout programs for boys 8-14), it does mean Young Men leaders will have to step up to the plate, particularly when it comes to risk management.
The Risk Management Department for the church, in a unique move, recently launched a new web resource page on LDS.org regarding health supplements including a Phenq Reviews and also safety measures. The new site features useful links and information about the Church safety guidelines and also provides some quirky videos about distracted driving and communicable diseases.
These materials are designed to entertain as well as educate — the Church paints a vivid picture of the risks involved by including fact sheets with harrowing statistics. One such statistic is that 1.6 million crashes a year involve distracted driving, and 23% of fatal accidents among people in their 20s involve distracted driving.
Why the sudden focus on safety? With the summer months now here, we are entering the 100 deadliest days of the year. They are also the 100 busiest days in terms of outdoor fitness activities sponsored by natural fitness products like this cbd roll on by fresh bros.
The Church is planning on overhauling the young men program in the coming months to compensate for scouting, which monopolized the outdoor activities organized for young men. In scouting activities, liability would be assumed by the BSA, but with liability now being assumed by the Church, it has become imperative that leaders and youth are trained and educated on safety guidelines on the road for which they will also explain what the car accident attorney Vegas do.
The First Presidency message on safety states, “Leaders should be as careful with the safety of participants in their activities as they would be with the safety of their own children.” It’s a strong reminder for members, leaders, and participants to put more focus on safety at activities and leverage all the resources the Church has provided to do so. For more information about the Church’s emphasis on safety while driving, click here.
“You are noble and great, chosen before you were born!”
The sentence was a hard one for me to swallow, especially with Johnny sliding a safety pin in and out of his skin on one side of me and Jane making a “Top Five Hottest Boys in the Ward” list with her friends on the other. (Check out this under eye pads products if you need further information). But every month like clockwork, we’d have a church lesson extolling the nobility of youth, telling us how important we were and how much potential we had.
“Our youth are the future!” seemed to be a defining principle during my childhood, and though I’d frequently think, What a bleak future, indeed. as I looked over the kinds of punks I went to school and church with, the idea of being noble and great was one I secretly loved. For more on what to expect about the future, see here this new blog where you can get a psychic reading.
This idea kept me going in the trenches of high school, made me feel like I was worth something, even when the acne on my cheeks, the glasses on my nose, and my inability to talk to cute boys made me feel like a loser. I graduated from high school and went to college, and by the time I’d graduated from college, I felt like I had more potential than ever. But by this time, society had given my generation, the “chosen” generation a new narrative and a new nickname: millennials. Millennials weren’t noble and great, either. They were terrible.
As a millennial, I’ve had to manage two conflicting messages about who I am and what I’m worth. I’m no longer coddled by Sunday school classes, young women groups, or my parents, and the message that youth have unlimited potential has been drowned out by voices online and off that insist that my generation is contributing nothing of benefit to the world.
Millennials have in effect become society’s scapegoats. We’ve cornered the market on entitlement and laziness. We’re selfish, narcissistic, whiny, and oversensitive. We still live with our parents, we can’t hold down jobs because we don’t want to work, we all expect everything to be handed to us, and we literally ruin everything. There is no shortage of adults willing to tell us that. Even when doing good, we are invalidated because of the generation we belong to.
Millennial bashing has become so pervasive in modern conversation that it has espoused a very real self-hate that I see in some of my friends. It’s not unusual for someone my age to disassociate themselves from and condemn our generation for its shortcomings. In a world with so many other youth quietly doing amazing things, such relentless negativity towards the millennial generation is exhausting, frustrating, and frequently over-generalized. Where can a millennial go to catch a break from all of this? The LDS Church, of all places.
What the Church understands that other societal groups and institutions don’t is that the millennial story is not black and white. In context, it’s very complex. When the Internet was in its womb, all many of us knew was the red wall of our mother’s. We were learning how to walk when technology was learning how to race. We had just learned to hold ink and paper in our palms, to navigate the Dewey Decimal System, and to bribe our best friends with tomorrow’s cafeteria dessert so they’d let us use their Walkmans when tech moguls gave us Kindles, iPhones, MP3 players, and tablets. They told us, “You thought that was good. We’re just getting started!” At the same time we were traversing puberty with all of its weird uncertainty, our lives, and the lenses we viewed them through, were changed dramatically. Our world went from something little and sheltered to something large and hyper-connected. We now measure time by what we knew before Google and what we know after. We will be the last generation that remembers how it was to live before the Internet and the first whose children will get to watch us grow up.
Millennials have seen more of the world than any generation has ever seen. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, and Snapchat give us unprecedented access to it. We watch each other’s’ triumphs as they happen, but almost incessantly, we watch each other suffer and hate. We watch economies fail, wars start, and people die over and over again. Many of us go to bed at night with a gnawing fear that humans are just walking grenades who do nothing but hurt each other. We’re told in a barrage of pointed words that we are too whiny, too sensitive, and too weak, but I think most of us are scared we will never live in a world better than the one we’re growing up in, and this one is deeply broken. That is the millennial story that I know.
No, millennials are not perfect. Not even Church leaders overlook our generation’s ascribed weaknesses — they’re very aware of them.
The Church, however, firmly validates a narrative that society refuses to acknowledge: being a young person today is not easy. Many of us are fighting mental, emotional, and spiritual battles that our parents and their parents never had to fight. The Church, unlike the rest of the world, stresses that we have the potential to do great things in spite of those challenges. It’s a message that is refreshing because it is so rare.
Ageism is not endemic in a church that has its roots in the questioning pleas of a 14-year old boy. Joseph Smith’s claim of seeing God and Jesus Christ was met with disbelief and disgust by the community around him, largely due to his youth. His youth, however, is of central importance in any retelling of the First Vision story, because it is evidence of God’s overwhelming trust in His children, no matter their age. In the Book of Mormon, we read the stories of younger siblings, young warriors, young women, and youth like Moroni, who at age 15 was entrusted with the written history of his people and at age 25 led an army into battle. Youth carry the entire book of scripture. The Gospel of Jesus Christ and, subsequently, the Church itself reinforces the promise that age is no obstacle to faith, circumstance, or progress.
The power of youth is not an outdated idea found in Church history and scriptures alone. It is an ever-present message within the Church today. Young people are frequently praised and encouraged over the pulpit, not ridiculed or berated in web forum fashion. The “typical awful millennial” stereotype is flatly rejected by church leadership, as is the idea that my generation is somehow weaker or has less to offer than generations before us. Take the following quote from President Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve:
“Many people refer to you as Millennials. I’ll admit that when researchers refer to you by that word and describe what their studies reveal about you—your likes and dislikes, your feelings and inclinations, your strengths and weaknesses—I’m uncomfortable. There is something about the way they use the term Millennial that bothers me. And frankly, I am less interested in what the experts have to say about you than what the Lord has told me about you.
“When I pray about you and ask the Lord how He feels about you, I feel something far different from what the researchers say. Spiritual impressions I’ve received about you lead me to believe that the term Millennial may actually be perfect for you. But for a much different reason than the experts may ever understand.
“The term Millennial is perfect for you if that term reminds you of who you really are and what your purpose in life really is. A True Millennial is one who was taught and did teach the gospel of Jesus Christ premortally and who made covenants with our Heavenly Father there about courageous things—even morally courageous things—that you would do while here on earth.”
Not only are youth spoken of with love and respect for who they will one day become, but they are trusted with critical leadership roles within the Church. That includes Generations Y and Z. In my ward, millennials direct and teach large groups of men and women, plan weekly ward and stake activities, organize service projects and rescue efforts for those who are struggling, administer blessings of comfort and healing, and sacrifice hours of unpaid personal time to do these things outside of the time spent working, studying, and socializing. Youth primarily head missionary work within the church, and they now do so younger than ever. Even teenagers lead groups of their peers within the church to plan activities and reach out to individuals in need. Youth and young adults are tellingly involved at almost every level of church leadership. I’d argue that because my generation is trusted with these responsibilities in the Church and spoken to with encouragement instead of being talked down at about our generational shortcomings, what we contribute is significantly more positive and meaningful. We do good because we are trusted to do good, not because we are expected to be lazy, useless, or “the worst.”
I’m not suggesting that millennials are free of fault. What I am suggesting, however, is that rather than continuing to pass on the antiquated heirlooms of faultfinding and lack of faith in the younger generation, we treat youth the way their potential demands, not our sense of their inadequacies. Rather than demoralizing them, we should follow the same pattern of affirmation and trust exhibited over and over again within the Church. Why? Because it works. Because when treated like who we can become, we all rise to the occasion.
Though the rest of the world may not think so, I can tell you that the future is in good hands. My generation is heading incredible efforts to take care of those in need, address and fix major societal problems, fight corruption, and stand up for what is right. My generation is smart and empathetic. My generation wants others to feel loved and included. My generation is contributing and we want those contributions to matter. So please, encourage us. Work with us. Like the Church, have faith in us. One day we might all be surprised at how noble and great the millennial generation has become.
On January 21st, 2017, Utah streets and canyon passes were covered in snow, making traveling hazardous to say the least. Nevertheless, when word broke out of a march being organized in Park City, thousands of women grabbed their picket signs and braved the storm for hours. As I scrolled through my news feed, I saw picture after picture of friends and acquaintances drenched and smiling, happy to have joined in solidarity with the millions of women gathering in peaceful protest that day. Though I didn’t participate, I couldn’t help feeling that solidarity myself as I saw fellow Relief Society sisters fighting for their beliefs. But then the next words that came up on my newsfeed replaced that solidarity with concern. Another deeply respected Relief Society sister in my life expressed her disgust for the demonstration after some attendees reproached those not in attendance. She commented on the events of the day on her Facebook by stating, “I don’t need anyone marching for me.” I was amazed that these two groups of Latter-day Saint women, who both cling to the same Gospel, could have such distinct and differing beliefs on a social standpoint. I was heartbroken that it would inspire such biting remarks because it is those contrasting opinions that cultivate the strength of Relief Society.
The organization of the Relief Society has taken pains to show the world, and even its own members, that it is more than just tablecloths and centerpieces. The Relief Society is a worldwide sisterhood with a mission to “help prepare women for the blessings of eternal life (see Moses 1:39) as they increase faith in Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and his Atonement; strengthen individuals, families, and homes through ordinances and covenants; and work in unity to help those in need.” This newly revised purpose by the recently released General Presidency of the Relief Society emphasizes the ‘how’ of its purpose. The addition of the word ‘unity’ in the purpose seems particularly timely with the increased divisiveness spurred by the current political climate. That divisiveness has, unfortunately, seeped into the Relief Society and among women of the Church.
Women are having a moment in the world today, as exemplified by the thousands of women who gathered on January 21st in response to the inauguration of President Donald Trump. The 2017 Women’s March was a worldwide protest advocating legislation regarding women’s rights and other human rights. It was the largest single-day protest in U.S. history, and its influence has spurred dozens of similar protests like it. Many Latter-day Saint women have chosen to participate in protests like these. They march, demonstrate, inform, and advocate for causes that hit closest to them, causes ranging from equal pay and equality in the workplace to the defense of religious freedom and the family. They stand as advocates for the LGBT community and as advocates for those not yet born. Their motives vary, but regardless, they feel the need to take action.
On the other hand, many Latter-day Saint women choose not to participate and instead take action in more subtle ways. Rather than taking up arms against institutions, they lift up the arms that hang low and focus their efforts on their neighbors and close ones. These are the silent majority lifting where they stand and not necessarily advocating for anything specific, if only for the Kingdom of God. Each of these paths are paths of discipleship and each of us plays one role or another at any given point. The Lord needs both in His Work and yet when we pass judgements, a rift is formed in our sisterhood.
As a largely conservative coalition of women, some members of the Relief Society are opposed to social activism, preferring to take more private and personal steps in discipleship. It has somehow become taboo to become involved politically, and there exists some unspoken rule that it is inappropriate for devout Latter-day Saint women to be activists. It is significant to note, however, that activism has always been alive and well in the church and especially within the Relief Society.
The history of Relief Society is full of suffragettes who fought for women’s right to vote. Martha Hughes Cannon wasn’t quite three years old when her family embarked from Wales to join the Saints out West. She grew up immersed in the gospel and would later graduate from medical school and become a resident physician at the newly formed Deseret Hospital. She was also a very prominent voice in the fight for women’s suffrage, and would eventually become the first woman in the United States to hold a State Senate seat when she was elected to the Utah State Senate in 1896. Another excellent example of activist women in the church can be found in Daughters In My Kingdom. It discusses a time when the women of the church were called upon to defend their lifestyle from a general misunderstanding from those outside of the church.
In January of 1870 a group of Latter-day Saint women gathered in Salt Lake City in response to legislation that outlawed the practice of plural marriage. The outlawing of polygamy came in response to the belief that the practice was degrading to women and that women in plural marriages were abused. While polygamy was difficult for many Saints to accept at the time, the women of the church did not feel debased by the practice and wanted the world to know that “there is no spot on this wide earth where kindness and affection are more bestowed upon woman, and her rights so sacredly defended as in Utah,” as one latter-day saint woman expressed at the time. These women chose to defend themselves, their husbands, and the laws and ordinances they were charged to keep by prophets of God. Sister Eliza R. Snow, who was general president of the Relief Society at the time, said “It was high time [to] rise up in the dignity of our calling and speak for ourselves…The world does not know us, and truth and justice to our brethren and to ourselves demands us to speak… We are not inferior to the ladies of the world, and we do not want to appear so.”
All modern discussion about the practice of plural marriage aside, this is a classic example of a minority group faced with organized oppression who, recognizing a lack of understanding, took it upon themselves to educate society on their position and plead for tolerance toward their lifestyle and beliefs. One reporter in Salt Lake City that day wrote, “In logic and in rhetoric the so-called degraded ladies of Mormondom are quite equal to the…women of the East.” While opinions and beliefs may differ, along with the way we express them, it’s significant to note that without the efforts of activists within or outside of the Relief Society, necessary social changes would have been much longer in the making.
Eve is another great example of a woman of God taking necessary action. Eve is regarded throughout Christianity as the woman who ruined it for the rest of us. Her disobedience in the Garden of Eden in partaking of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is commonly understood to be the act that introduced sin into the world. But we, as members of the Church, know better. Modern-day revelation has taught us that Eve’s choice to pass through sorrow was the only way we could all inherit our mortal bodies and come to earth to take our place in God’s eternal plan of happiness. Elder Dallin H. Oaks put it best when he said, “Some Christians condemn Eve for her act, concluding that she and her daughters are somehow flawed by it. Not the Latter-day Saints! Informed by revelation, we celebrate Eve’s act and honor her wisdom and courage in the great episode called the Fall.”
Imagine if Eve chose to be a passive follower and didn’t take action when it was required of her. The plan would have been halted! It’s interesting to note that God didn’t give Eve instructions as to how she would fulfil her role in the plan. In fact, He commanded her to do the opposite of what she was foreordained to do. While I’m not suggesting God expects us to disobey His commandments, He does expect us to grab our power of agency with both hands and be the driving force in fulfilling our individual roles in His plan as well as advocating for those without a voice. He’s not going to micromanage our stewardship, but expects us to take action in our own way. Taking action, whether that be for a social cause or more personal one, is going to require, as it did for Eve, courage, faith, and understanding of our individual role within the plan.
Divisiveness stems from turning our attention away from God and His custom-made plan for us and comparing ourselves to each other. Sisters, defending your beliefs and standing as witnesses and advocates in social demonstrations is an approved path of discipleship. Sisters, defending your beliefs and standing as witnesses on more private and personal platforms is also an approved path of discipleship. Frankly, both are vital to the Lord’s work.
As Relief Society sisters, we have been blessed with a worldwide network of strong, faithful women to lean on for support and to serve as our means will permit. However, it’s all too common for us women to glance around at our sisters surrounding us (members or otherwise) and compare ourselves to them. Perhaps we feel like we don’t measure up or, heaven forbid, we feel like they don’t measure up to us. In any case, we have forgotten the timeless words of Elder Marvin J. Ashton, who said:
“Sisters, do not allow yourselves to be made to feel inadequate or frustrated because you cannot do everything others seem to be accomplishing. Rather, each should assess her own situation, her own energy, and her own talents, and then choose the best way to mold her family into a team, a unit that works together and supports each other. Only you and your Father in Heaven know your needs, strengths, and desires. Around this knowledge your personal course must be charted and your choices made.”
God has given us the opportunity to choose our personal path of discipleship. For one single mother, who’s husband’s transgressions ended their marriage, her path involves single-handedly providing for the emotional, financial, and spiritual security of her children. For an LDS scholar and feminist blessed with advanced educational opportunities, her path involves empowering the women of the church to recognize that men and women stand as true equals before God and dispel some of the misconceptions held in regards to Latter-day Saint women. Each path is very different, and there is something absolutely fantastic about that.
Sisters, eternal exaltation is not a contest. God has hand curated our individual journeys back to His presence. Each of us has different lessons to learn and those lessons will go unlearned if we focus our energy on comparing our progress to the progress of others. With the amount of divisiveness in the world today, it’s becoming increasingly important for us to create a unified society where we can go without fear of being judged for our methods of discipleship. As members of Relief Society, part of our purpose has always been to help those in need, but let’s now put more emphasis on working in unity to help those in need instead of judging our sisters for how they choose to do so.
When Alyssa Murphy met William Johnson in their young single adult ward, she was quickly attracted to his testimony and ambition. Johnson found himself drawn to Murphy’s bubbly personality. She was unlike any other girl he’d ever met. Neither of them had the courage to say a word about it.
“Apparently both of us had crushes on each other but were too nervous to do anything about it,” Murphy said. “But then we matched.”
Murphy recounted that when she was dating, she would occasionally use Tinder, a popular dating app, just like Craigslist, where users can see profiles of nearby singles and either swipe their photo left if uninterested or right if interested. If both parties swipe right, it’s a match and the two can then communicate through the app. When Murphy was on Tinder, she’d frequently run into Johnson’s profile. She never swiped right on it and would immediately close the app when she saw it, too nervous to find out if they’d match.
At the same time Murphy was using the app, Johnson was, too. “A lot of my friends had Tinder, mostly as a joke, so I thought I’d try it,” he said.
Photo courtesy Alyssa & William Johnson
He was the first to swipe right on Murphy’s photo, and Murphy soon followed.
“He messaged me something silly about it being a small world,” Murphy recalled. “He was nervous and so the message didn’t make much sense, and I sent something like, ‘Haha. Yeah.’ And that was it for the messaging on Tinder. A couple of days later, he called me and asked me on a date.” Johnson and Murphy went on their first date in July of 2015 and were married in the Logan temple January 2nd, 2016. They have Tinder to thank for getting the ball rolling.
Created in 2013, Tinder has since become a staple on the smartphones of single adults worldwide.With an estimated 50 million users, 79% of which are millennials, the odds of finding a match are high and, in a society with an increasing focus on social apps, they’re climbing higher. If you browse around this site you will come to know that Tinder’s popularity has given rise to similar dating apps like Bumble, where women get to reach out to their matches first, and Hinge, which connects users with the friends of their Facebook friends. Many LDS singles have joined these apps in the hope of finding an eternal companion, and certainly, some have been more successful than others.
Take, for example, Natalie Canfield. Soon after returning home from serving an LDS mission in Guatemala, Canfield realized that her social life was not as fulfilling as it had been in college. “I wasn’t meeting anybody. My ward was very established,” Canfield said. “It wasn’t very transitory like a lot of student wards are, because people weren’t changing every semester, and my job that I had was just not a great place to meet people.”
Canfield had the desire to date, so with some embarrassment she admits, she created a Tinder profile. She found herself making lots of connections, and Tinder became her success.
Photo courtesy: Natalie & Ryan Atherton
Canfield would try to find young men who were LDS and reach out 25% of the time. From that point forward she’d try to make the date happen as soon as possible so she could have real conversations with them. She’d suggest public meeting places for a quick lunch or dinner and, she said, “stalk” her dates by asking mutual friends what they knew about them and learning more about them through social media.
“I probably put more work into it than some people do. I guess I was more motivated,” she said. “I knew I was ready for the next phase in my life.”
Tinder was sort of thrust upon Ryan Atherton. A friend met the love of his life on the app and told Ryan he just had to try it. He set up Atherton’s profile, and there, Atherton met and fell in love with Canfield. The rest, as they say, is history.
Not all singles have had the same success stories with the dating app. For young adults like Anthony Shelton, Tinder is not only ineffective, but it’s a source of unwanted and often frustrating dating experiences. For better experiences look at the small vibrators to use alone or with your couple and enjoy a healthy sex life while dating.
“I haven’t really had a single positive experience from Tinder,” Shelton said. “It’s like I only match with girls with wildly divergent standards or those cam girl robots.” He refers to fake Tinder profiles that run largely unchecked on the app and, when swiped right on, generate messages linking users to adult webcam sites. Such spambot profiles are designed to look like real accounts and primarily target male users, impeding their efforts to find matches with similar standards. Shelton added that dating beyond the app also has its shortcomings. “In the rare instance where I do match with a nice girl, there’s usually one date and it fizzles out,” he said.
Most critics of the app dislike its focus on photographs and appearances, citing its tendency to reduce dating to shallow interactions and overemphasize physical attractiveness. Isaac Frisbie, a young adult who considers himself a bit more old school when it comes to dating, said, “I think it’s really easy to make an initial judgment based on someone’s profile, but it seems too quick and impersonal. I’ve made friends through social media before and it takes time to get to know someone. Tinder only compounds some of the negative problems that the Internet brings: quick judgment.”
Even Canfield admits that she was really apprehensive to get the app at first. “I think a lot of people are, because it has a bad rap.”
Dating apps like Tinder are a cautionary tale for members in YSA leadership positions, one that often leads to heartbreak and sexual immorality for singles who fall into the ‘hookup culture’ the app frequently facilitates. Tinder was notably mentioned by name in Elder M. Russell Ballard’s April 2015 general conference address for the potential risk it poses to spiritual/mental cleanliness. Many YSA stake/ward leaders are reluctant to recommend it as a dating tool, noting that too many young adults with little self-control get themselves into serious trouble through the app.
Still, LDS singles are drawn to dating apps, albeit with some reluctance. The stigma surrounding them is not lost on young adults looking to find lasting relationships. For those who have met success through dating apps, however, that is no large obstacle to overcome.
Elise Egbert, a blogger who met her husband Matt through Tinder, said, “I quickly found out that if I was embarrassed to say ‘We met on Tinder,’ people would react embarrassed too. But when I confidently said, “Oh, yeah! We met on Tinder!” people responded with excitement and thought it was cool. It’s really just perspective.”
Matt Egbert’s advice? “Do what makes you feel the most comfortable. Online dating can be a useful thing. We live in a modern age of technology and you’re able to meet a lot more people outside of your daily and weekly routines.”
Photo courtesy: Elise & Matt Egbert
The Egberts, Murphy, and Canfield agree that dating apps should be treated as close to real life as possible and that LDS singles should apply the same standards they have in real life there, being selective about who they like and focusing more on interacting in person beyond the app.
Young single adults who are reluctant to try dating via app currently have another option that is gaining lots of traction in the LDS world. It’s an app called Mutual, and its target audience is LDS singles who don’t like the hookup culture found on other apps. Users aren’t limited by distance or by social circles, and they can specify whether they’re looking for something serious or just casual dates. Perhaps the biggest draw is that users can meet people with the same standards without fear of inappropriate behavior or advances — the app prohibits it.
The question still stands: are online dating apps ultimately worth trying? For many LDS singles, the answer is a resounding yes — they can (and do) work, but only with the right motives and approach.
“I’ve definitely learned that if you’re finding exactly who you’re looking for it doesn’t matter where you find them,” Egbert said, “especially if the Lord is guiding you. Trust Him to lead you to what you desire, even if it’s through Tinder.”
